Confessions of a KDP Survivor: A Tragedy writ in Poetry

Look, I thought self-publishing my book would feel like presenting the world a piece of my soul and everyone would instantly clap at my literary genius *dramatic hair flip*. But let’s get back to reality and discuss it because while I’m not a genius with a masterpiece to produce, the whole process had moments where it felt a sort of like cyclical hell of reformatting the same script over and over again…just to reupload it and see A new problem had been invented by my means of fixing the previous problem. Lovely.

So here, dear reader, are a few poems chronicling my deeply emotional, slightly ridiculous (and mundane) journey with Kindle Direct Publishing. May they bring you laughter, healing, and maybe a slight eye twitch in solidarity.

The Upload Spiral

(A sonnet, sort of. Shakespeare is not impressed.)

I clicked “Upload”—how easy!—with coffee in hand,
A hopeful young writer with dreams so grand.
But lo! My margins were not flush, my gutter misbehaved,
And half of my poem was tragically shaved.

“Bleed error,” it screamed, “Fix your trim size, you doof!”
My table of contents went straight up through the roof…(of the page.)
I resized and reformatted, cursed Kindle’s name,
Then tried a new layout… with results just the same.

I whispered to Canva, “Make me a cover!”
She laughed, “Sure thing… but your title’s hungover.”
So I rage-ate some chips and prayed to the onedrive cloud,
My PDF won’t open. I screamed… out loud.

Formatting Hell: A Memoir in Free Verse

I thought importing a Word doc
would be simple.
Just CTRL + C, CTRL + V.
Easy. Peasy.

Even…lemon squeasy.

Then Kindle
turned my paragraph breaks
into a n spattered s p a c e d

mess
My images
migrated to the top of the page
like penguins heading north for winter.
The title page
had opinions,
That differed from mine.

rebellion.

Page numbers?
They exist in my mind only.

Cover Designer’s Lament

(A limerick)

A gal thought her cover was sleek,
‘Til Kindle said, “Nope. Fix. Then tweak.”
The spine was too thick,
“This was supposed to be quick,“
Now she cries into Canva each week.

The Final Click

(A motivational spoken-word poem performed under a single spotlight)

I did it.
I hit “Publish.”
Tears in my eyes,

Will it sell?
Will it flop?
Will I check the dashboard
twice a day
for three weeks
and then forget I even wrote it?

Yes.
Yes, I will.
And I’ll do it again,
because I’m a KDP author.
And I thrive
on chaos.

(Or so I tell myself)

In Conclusion…

If you’re about to upload your first book to Kindle Direct Publishing, just know you’re not alone. Your margins may be askew and cause you to weep. Your soul may briefly exit your body when the previewer crashes for the fifth time. But you’ll live to publish again.

And hey, once you’ve cried it out and your book is live, you get to do the most magical thing of all: click “View on Amazon” and text your friends, “Look, I’m famous.”

You earned this, you formatting fighter, you.

Oh and my book is live now!

A note- the title was changed in the second to last draft. From The Cottage, Christ, & Me, to Featherlight Faith.

Alright! That’s it! Thanks for reading!