This post is a little different from my usual topics. It’s not some big epiphany, just a thought that’s been bouncing around in my head for a while. As someone who enjoys overthinking (a core introvert trait, we all know it), I couldn’t shake this idea. So, here we are. Let’s talk about introversion, friendships, and whether some behaviors we attribute to being “introverted” are actually… kind of selfish.

This train of thought started when I stumbled across one of those relatable memes. Yaknow the type. Something that went along the lines of : “I don’t want to go, but I do want to be invited. Lol, introverts, am I right?” At first, I chuckled, because I could relate. But then I started reflecting on what it’s really saying. Is this just a funny nod to introverted tendencies, or does it normalize putting minimal effort into our friendships? Cue the over thinking due to a relatively harmless online post.

The more I thought about it, the more it reminded me of a situation from my late high school and early college years. Back then, my close friend and I loved organizing activities for our friend group. Bowling nights, game days, holiday parties—you name it, we planned it. We weren’t just trying to have fun; we genuinely enjoyed bringing everyone together.

But more often than not, it ended up being just the two of us. Our friends, though kind and fun in their own right, rarely showed up. The reasons varied. Some excuses were totally valid—homework, work shifts, family obligations. But over time, it became clear that many simply didn’t prioritize showing up. A few even admitted they “liked being invited” but never had any intention of coming.

At the time, it was frustrating. We’d put in all this effort, only to feel like the rest of the group didn’t care enough to reciprocate. It stung, but life moved on, and so did we. Now, years removed from those memories, I look back without resentment. Those friends weren’t bad people—they were just young, busy, and maybe a little unaware of how their actions came across.

Still, that experience planted a seed in my mind only to be watered by a random Instagram post on a random Tuesday. The memes and “relatable” posts about introverts avoiding plans or ghosting their friends in the name of self-care make me pause. Are we glorifying a healthy need for recharge time, or are we excusing bad friendship behaviors?

Here’s the thing: self-care is important. Recharge time is vital. Life gets busy and overwhelming, and sometimes, skipping plans is the right choice for your mental health. But if every plan becomes your recharge time, you’re not just protecting your peace—you’re neglecting your friendships.

Good friendships require effort. Showing up matters. And showing up only when the whim strikes you? That doesn’t make you a good friend. Sure, you have the right to set boundaries. But if you consistently flake, cancel, or avoid participating, maybe it’s time to reassess what you can realistically give to your friendships. I maybe it’s significantly less than it once was?

If that’s the case, the kinder thing to do is to be honest with yourself—and with your friends. Let them know if your capacity to maintain the friendship has changed. It’s far better than leading someone on to believe you want to stay close, only to repeatedly let them down when it comes time to show up.

Here’s the plot twist (that almost everyone knows): I am an introvert. A big one. I thrive on alone time, I love my cozy evenings at home, and I sometimes dread leaving my bubble. I’ve canceled more plans than I care to admit. But I’ve also been on the other side of this equation—the one doing the planning, hoping people will show up. And that’s given me a deep appreciation for the balance between respecting my own needs and respecting my relationships.

It’s not about guilt-tripping yourself into saying yes to every invite or sacrificing your mental health for others. It’s about being intentional. Being an introvert doesn’t give us a free pass to neglect the people who care about us. If anything, it challenges us to communicate better, show up when it counts, and be honest about what we can give.

So, the next time you’re tempted to laugh off a missed gathering with, “Lol, introverts, am I right?” take a moment to think about what that really means. Are you protecting your peace, or are you unintentionally letting your friends down? Because the truth is, being an introvert doesn’t mean we don’t care about our friendships. It just means we have to work a little harder to show it.

Hopefully you found this post useful in some way. I suppose in some ways, it could be considered a little mini-rant. More than anything, I think it’s a reflection and I hope it makes you reflect too, whether you’re an introvert like me or a big planner who relates to the feelings of disappointment when no one shows. Just know you’re not alone!

Take care, friends, and thanks for reading!