Sarcastic Cinderella

Once upon a time, there was a wealthy widower who married a proud and haughty woman as his second wife (First mistake buddy). She had two daughters, who were equally vain and selfish (Wow, that mistake didn’t take long to bear trouble). By his first wife, he’d had a beautiful young daughter, a girl of unparalleled goodness and sweet temper (He should of stuck with the first wife).

The stepmother and her daughters forced the first daughter into servitude, where she was made  to work day and night doing menial chores (And the father did nothing about this?!). After the girl’s chores were done for the day, she would retire to the barren and cold room given to her, and would curl up near the fireplace in an effort to stay warm (But not catch on fire). She would often arise covered in cinders, giving rise to the mocking nickname “Cinderella” by her stepsisters. Cinderella bore the abuse patiently and dared not tell her father, since his 2nd wife controlled him entirely (Rotten father that is. Talk about pathetic).

One day, the Prince invited all the young ladies in the land to a ball, planning to choose a wife from amongst them (“Come to this ball so you may be married to a scabby faced prince!”). The two stepsisters gleefully planned their wardrobes for the ball, and taunted Cinderella by telling her that maids were not invited to the ball (Technically she’s not a maid).

As the sisters departed to the ball, Cinderella cried in despair (“Boohoo, I cannot marry a scabby faced prince!”). Her Fairy Godmother magically appeared (Alright, where was this lady however many years ago when her father married the jerk stepmom?) and immediately began to transform Cinderella from house servant to the young lady she was by birth, all in the effort to get Cinderella to the ball (Seems like a lot of trouble just to go to a party).

She turned a pumpkin into a golden carriage, mice into horses, a rat into a coachman, and lizards into footmen. She then turned Cinderella’s rags into a beautiful jeweled gown, complete with a delicate pair of glass slippers (Wouldn’t they break when she runs? Ouch! Talk about walking on broken glass!). The Godmother told her to enjoy the ball, but warned that she had to return before midnight, when the spells would be broken (Also that’s your bedtime).

At the ball, the entire court was entranced by Cinderella, especially the Prince (Because he is also shallow as well as scabby). At this first ball, Cinderella remembers to leave before midnight. Back home, Cinderella graciously thanked her Godmother. She then greeted the stepsisters, who had not recognized her earlier and talked of nothing but the beautiful girl at the ball (They must be blind. Clothes does not change a person, ladies).

Another ball was held the next evening, and Cinderella again attended with her Godmother’s help. The Prince had become even more infatuated, and Cinderella in turn became so enchanted by him she lost track of time and left only at the final stroke of midnight, losing one of her glass slippers on the steps of the palace in her haste (They should of broke here). The Prince chased her (Okay, creeper), but outside the palace, the guards saw only a simple country girl leave. The Prince pocketed the slipper and vowed to find and marry the girl to whom it belonged  (Whether she wanted to or not?). Meanwhile, Cinderella kept the other slipper, which did not disappear when the spell was broken.

The Prince tried the slipper on all the women in the kingdom (Wouldn’t the shoe have some foot funk in it by the time it came to Cinderella?). When the Prince arrives at Cinderella’s villa, the stepsisters tried in vain to win over the prince as they wanted the prince. Cinderella asked if she might try, while the stepsisters taunted her. Naturally, the slipper fit perfectly, and Cinderella produced the other slipper for good measure. The stepsisters both pleaded for forgiveness, and Cinderella agreed to let bygones be bygones (Talk about overly good natured. It least make them grovel a bit…).

Cinderella married the Prince, and the stepsisters married two lords (Because the moral is, act like a jerk until your enemy gets the other hand, then beg for forgiveness and you get a good part of the deal in the end).

(In short, this is a story of how a teenager sneaked out to a party at night, and stayed up too late, and was cranky the next morning! The morals in this are golden)