Tag: silly

My Personal List of Reasons as to Why I procrastinate & the faulty logic behind them…

~ Brooke F. ~ Leave a comment

Welcome to my procrastination diary. Please enjoy your stay…

1. You’re on your phone.

Major, #1 distraction.

I wish I had an actual reason as to why my phone distracts me. Even when there is really nothing to do on my phone and I’m just switching between the same two apps constantly and refreshing. Frankly, I think it’s because nearly ANYTHING is more interesting then what I’m trying to get done.

2. You have too much to work to do so you do none of it.

Genius, right?

3. You’d rather be doing something else.

In other words, you’d rather be procrastinating. Which in of itself isn’t a fun activity but it beats actually doing the thing, right? Nothing like dying a thousand deaths before actually getting the THING done.

4. Your music distracts you.

Instead of helping you concentrate on your homework, you find yourself having your own personal dance off in your bedroom to whatever soundtrack I’ve downloaded recently.

5. It’s past your bedtime (You’d rather sleep).

It’s 8:00? Sorry mom, can’t study. Past my bedtime. When I need to get something done, I suddenly am on a toddler’s sleep schedule.

6. Your favorite show comes on

Cause I have my priorities straight.

7. You are too busy writing a list of reasons of why you procrastinate.

Bored?

~ Brooke F. ~ Leave a comment

Are you bored? Well maybe you need to try something new. Here’s a short list of new things anyone can try and are relatively cheap too!

Learn to play the Kalimba

Learn Latin phrases

Paint 

Try calligraphy

Make some bread.

Go Geocaching.

Sew something simple.

Write a short story or poem.

Try computer coding (I’d recommend starting with Khan Academy)

Make yourself a new playlist.

Learn a new dance off of youtube.

Make a scrapbook.

Try archery.

Or rollerblading.

Make yourself a smoothie from a a recipe you wanna try 

Redecorate 

Find a new restaurant and dine. 

Try and make an Italian dinner 

Learn origami

Make optical drawing illusions

Go plant something and watch it grow. 

Find a new style of clothes and try it out. 

Look up new hairstyles that you’ve never tried and give em a go!

Learn about the stars.

Learn about the different kinds of tea and make yourself some.

Try your hand at jewelry making.

Script a movie.

Try watching a new show.

Paint yo nails.

A Very, very, very Bad Day

~ Brooke F. ~ Leave a comment

Okay, gents and ladies. It’s about time I write about an adventure…

So come and listen to my tale, sad but fantastic, of one of the worst days I’ve had in a long, long time. 

I’m am of course taking about the NyQuil and boiled egg train wreck. And I don’t mean train wreck in the sense that is was a mess of a day (though it was) but in the sense it involved a literal train wreck. 

Are you intrigued yet? Well I sure hope so because I’ve pulled nearly every trick to gain your interest. 

But truth is, it really was just a bad day. One of those days where it felt as if nothing could go right and everything that could go wrong, did. 

So let us turn back the clock… back to where it all began….

This tragic chain of events was put into motion on a Sunday night. 

I had a cold. 

Nothing too bad except for the fact that every time I tried to lie down my nose decided to run like Usain Bolt. So it was kind of hard to sleep. So (like a Norma person) I took some pills that just so happened to be cold medicine.  But what I didn’t realize is this wasn’t just any cold medicine; this was NyQuil night time, coma inducing, death emulating cold medicine whereas I didn’t even think I was taking a night time cold medicine (it was in a regular day time box). So I, without being in full possession of this knowledge, took not one but TWO of these pills. When I realized my mistake, I was… stressed?

You see, NyQuil is some pretty strong stuff and it seemed to effect me pretty bad in the past. So much so that if I ever needed to take it, I would only take on capsule and even then I was a zombie the next day.  

But I had work this Monday, so the next morning I needed to be up and going at a pretty decent hour. 

So I googled how long it took NyQuil to leave one’s system. I wasn’t super happy with the results where I found that it could take anywhere from 8 hours to THREE DAYS. 

yikes. 

But there was nothing to be done at this point, so I just went to bed and slept in my tired defeat. 

And so began my soon to be bad day, when I woke the next morning feeling about as conscious and awake as A sloth during hibernation (I don’t think they actually hibernate but that’s not the point). 

But simply getting out of bed wasn’t the end of my problems. Turns out my siblings don’t know how to replace the toilet paper roll so I had that fun moment. 

Then I had the boiled egg issue. Usually The night before work I would pre-boil an egg for myself so I wouldn’t have to worry about breakfast on a Monday morning. But I had forgotten to mark the egg so my mother thought it was just a plain ol regular one and put it in a container with all our raw ones. 

So I began cracking our eggs into a bowl in a desperate search for my chosen boiled one. I never found it. So instead I had six scrambled eggs for breakfast. Yummy.

And then it came time for work. Or so I thought. The road the way I normally went was blocked off so I had to go the slighter longer way. No big deal… until I realized they had construction going on down that road. And to top things off, when I slammed on my breaks a little to quickly to stop for said construction, my coffee decided to have a will of its own and commit coffee suicide, pitching itself forward so it could spill all over my radio, blue tooth speaker, and music player. But hey, at least my entire car smells like a caramel frappecino. I’m sure THATS going to age well with hours of sunlight!

But I didn’t have time to clean up that mess just yet. I was still driving at the time. So I drove on, trying to wipe my jeans dry as best as I knew how. When I leaned over I noticed that only half of my coffee had been spilt so there was still a little silver lining there. 

Noooopee. 

I cross over a railroad track to my work and unfortunately this train just decided to take a quick nap right in the middle of the place I needed to cross over to get to work. And (also unfortunately) I wasn’t expecting this stop so I slammed on my breaks and said goodbye to that last half of my coffee. You will be missed. 

Thankfully they got the train up and running fairly quickly though so I was only about twenty minutes late for work. But it wasn’t too bad for there on out. I had to kind of deep clean my car though. 

But hey! I lived!

Snapshot: The Fourth Week of October

~ Brooke F. ~ Leave a comment

Its Saturday Night. A huge storm blew through town and knocked out all the power. But that doesn’t stop the relentless youth. I’m at a Halloween party. There are no lights to be seen except for the stars above. After adorning ourselves with glow crowns and bracelets me and my friends lay on the pavement and stare at the sparkling splendor in the skies. I think a rag-tag group has started playing catch phrase by the light of their phones. Eventually it clouds over but that’s alright because someone has the bluetooth speaker out and soon we’re learning the footlose dance. Clumsily, but we’re learning. Not long afterwards, it begins to sprinkle so we head into the garage armed with nothing more than a glow stick to illuminate the darkness. And we tell stories. Creepy ones that makes us shiver in delight and for half a second we pretend we believe them. It’s the week of Halloween after all.

Life is good.

Sarcastic Cinderella

~ Brooke F. ~ Leave a comment

Sarcastic Cinderella

Once upon a time, there was a wealthy widower who married a proud and haughty woman as his second wife (First mistake buddy). She had two daughters, who were equally vain and selfish (Wow, that mistake didn’t take long to bear trouble). By his first wife, he’d had a beautiful young daughter, a girl of unparalleled goodness and sweet temper (He should of stuck with the first wife).

The stepmother and her daughters forced the first daughter into servitude, where she was made  to work day and night doing menial chores (And the father did nothing about this?!). After the girl’s chores were done for the day, she would retire to the barren and cold room given to her, and would curl up near the fireplace in an effort to stay warm (But not catch on fire). She would often arise covered in cinders, giving rise to the mocking nickname “Cinderella” by her stepsisters. Cinderella bore the abuse patiently and dared not tell her father, since his 2nd wife controlled him entirely (Rotten father that is. Talk about pathetic).

One day, the Prince invited all the young ladies in the land to a ball, planning to choose a wife from amongst them (“Come to this ball so you may be married to a scabby faced prince!”). The two stepsisters gleefully planned their wardrobes for the ball, and taunted Cinderella by telling her that maids were not invited to the ball (Technically she’s not a maid).

As the sisters departed to the ball, Cinderella cried in despair (“Boohoo, I cannot marry a scabby faced prince!”). Her Fairy Godmother magically appeared (Alright, where was this lady however many years ago when her father married the jerk stepmom?) and immediately began to transform Cinderella from house servant to the young lady she was by birth, all in the effort to get Cinderella to the ball (Seems like a lot of trouble just to go to a party).

She turned a pumpkin into a golden carriage, mice into horses, a rat into a coachman, and lizards into footmen. She then turned Cinderella’s rags into a beautiful jeweled gown, complete with a delicate pair of glass slippers (Wouldn’t they break when she runs? Ouch! Talk about walking on broken glass!). The Godmother told her to enjoy the ball, but warned that she had to return before midnight, when the spells would be broken (Also that’s your bedtime).

At the ball, the entire court was entranced by Cinderella, especially the Prince (Because he is also shallow as well as scabby). At this first ball, Cinderella remembers to leave before midnight. Back home, Cinderella graciously thanked her Godmother. She then greeted the stepsisters, who had not recognized her earlier and talked of nothing but the beautiful girl at the ball (They must be blind. Clothes does not change a person, ladies).

Another ball was held the next evening, and Cinderella again attended with her Godmother’s help. The Prince had become even more infatuated, and Cinderella in turn became so enchanted by him she lost track of time and left only at the final stroke of midnight, losing one of her glass slippers on the steps of the palace in her haste (They should of broke here). The Prince chased her (Okay, creeper), but outside the palace, the guards saw only a simple country girl leave. The Prince pocketed the slipper and vowed to find and marry the girl to whom it belonged  (Whether she wanted to or not?). Meanwhile, Cinderella kept the other slipper, which did not disappear when the spell was broken.

The Prince tried the slipper on all the women in the kingdom (Wouldn’t the shoe have some foot funk in it by the time it came to Cinderella?). When the Prince arrives at Cinderella’s villa, the stepsisters tried in vain to win over the prince as they wanted the prince. Cinderella asked if she might try, while the stepsisters taunted her. Naturally, the slipper fit perfectly, and Cinderella produced the other slipper for good measure. The stepsisters both pleaded for forgiveness, and Cinderella agreed to let bygones be bygones (Talk about overly good natured. It least make them grovel a bit…).

Cinderella married the Prince, and the stepsisters married two lords (Because the moral is, act like a jerk until your enemy gets the other hand, then beg for forgiveness and you get a good part of the deal in the end).

(In short, this is a story of how a teenager sneaked out to a party at night, and stayed up too late, and was cranky the next morning! The morals in this are golden)

Sarcastic Sleeping Beauty Part Two

~ Brooke F. ~ Leave a comment

Part two

After having been secretly wed by the reawakened Royal almoner, the Prince continues to visit the Princess. She bears him two children, L’Aurore (Dawn) and Le Jour (Day), which he keeps secret from his mother, who is of an ogre lineage (Oh, so wouldn’t he have ogre in him too?). When the time comes for the Prince to ascend the throne, he brings his wife, children, and the talabutte (“Count of the Mount”) (Whoever the heck that guy is).

The Ogress Queen Mother sends the young Queen and the children to a house secluded in the woods and directs her cook to prepare the boy with sauce Robert for dinner (One, Cannibal alert! Two, her worthless husband doesn’t have anything to say about this?!).

The humane cook substitutes a lamb for the boy (Because lamb tastes like boys, not that the cook would know or anything), which satisfies the Queen Mother. She then demands the girl but the humane cook, once again, substitutes a young goat (Which tastes like girls? Girls and boys have different tastes?), which also satisfies the Queen Mother. When the Ogress demands that he serve up the young Queen, the young Queen offers to slit her throat so that she may join the children that she imagines are dead. While the Queen Mother is satisfied with a hind prepared with sauce Robert in place of the young Queen, there is a tearful secret reunion of the Queen and her children (Is the Queen really that sad to see her children are alive? They don’t even say they are tears of joy. They make it sound like she’s sad!).

However, the Queen Mother soon discovers the cook’s trick and she prepares a tub in the courtyard filled with vipers and other noxious creatures (Um, that’s nice. Totally normal thing for a Queen to do). The King returns (Wait, where in the world was HE?) in the nick of time and the Ogress, being discovered, throws herself into the tub and is fully consumed (Wait, what? “I have been discovered so let me throw myself into this random tub!). The King, young Queen, and children then live happily ever after (But they never went to visit grandma).

Sarcastic Sleeping Beauty Part one

~ Brooke F. ~ Leave a comment

Ahem….

Sleeping Beauty, a sarcastic fairytale as commentated and told by me.

Part one

At the christening of a king and queen’s long-wished-for child, seven fairies are invited to be godmothers to the infant princess. The fairies attend the banquet at the palace. Laid before them is a golden casket containing gold jeweled utensils (Because you always welcome people by setting a golden casket before them). Soon after, another fairy enters the palace and is seated without a golden casket (*Gasp* She has no casket! How horrid of her! This story has just started and I’m already confused).

This eighth fairy is overlooked because she has been within a tower for many years and everyone believes her to be dead (“I was just taking a long nap, guys!”).

Six of the other seven fairies then offer their gifts of beauty, wit, grace, dance, song, and music to the infant princess (What a bummer for the princess. What about toys? That’s like getting a hug or handshake for Christmas from your grandmother!).

The eighth fairy is very angry that she has been overlooked and, as her gift, enchants the infant princess so that she will prick her hand on a spindle of a spinning wheel and die (Happy Birthday!). One fairy, who hasn’t yet given her gift, attempts to reverse the evil fairy’s curse. However, she can only do so partially (Of course. She can’t do it fully as it would make things LESS complicated! Duh!). Instead of dying, the Princess will fall into a deep sleep for 100 years (That’s kind of rotten. Happy Birthday again!) and be awakened by a kiss from a prince (Ew. Happy Birthday a third time! Lamest birthday ever).

The king forbids any sort of spinning all throughout the kingdom. Fifteen or sixteen years pass and one day (What’s the difference?), when the king and queen are away (Um, where?), the Princess wanders through the palace rooms (Awesome way to spend your birthday, right?) and comes upon an old woman, spinning with her spindle (Just a random old lady). The princess, curious to try the unfamiliar task (Who cares about spinning? I mean really? Talk about boring), asks the old woman if she can try the spinning wheel. The princess pricks her finger on the spindle and the inevitable (It’s always inevitable) curse is fulfilled. The old woman cries for help and attempts are made to revive the princess (Splash water on her face! Kick her in the ribs! Slap her around a bit! I’m full of ideas!).

The king attributes this to fate and has the Princess carried to the finest room in the palace and placed upon a bed of gold (Ow. Not so comfy sounding) and silver embroidered fabric. The king and queen kiss their daughter goodbye and depart, proclaiming the entrance to be forbidden.

The good fairy who altered the evil prophecy is summoned (“Get your hide back here, our daughter is taking a nap!”). Having great powers of foresight (She should have foreseen the bad fairy at the party in the first stinking place!), the fairy sees that the Princess will awaken to distress when she finds herself alone (Because everyone would have grown old and died. But wouldn’t she grown old too?), so the fairy puts everyone in the castle to sleep. The fairy also summons a forest of trees, brambles and thorns that spring up around the castle, shielding it from the outside world and preventing anyone from disturbing the Princess (Okay, where was this magic when the curse was first cast by the badfairy?).

A hundred years pass and a prince from another family spies the hidden castle during a hunting expedition. His attendants tell him differing stories regarding the castle until an old man recounts his father’s words (Wait, how in the world did this guy’s random father know? everyone’s asleep!): within the castle lies a beautiful princess who is doomed to sleep for a hundred years until a king’s son comes and awakens her (By dumping water on her face! Bwahahaha!).

The prince then braves the tall trees, brambles and thorns which part at his approach, and enters the castle. He passes the sleeping castle folk (Because who cares about them?) and comes across the chamber where the Princess lies asleep on the bed (Creeper alarm! Creeper alarm!). Struck by the radiant beauty before him, he falls on his knees before her. The enchantment comes to an end by a kiss (Wait, she has been there for a hundred years! Wouldn’t she have bad morning breath or something?) and the princess awakens and converses with the prince for a long time (“Why in the world are you kissing sleeping women, you creep!”).

Meanwhile, the rest of the castle awakens and go about their business (And totally don’t notice the fact that everyone is covered in spider webs and everyone has grown beards). The prince and princess walk to the hall of mirrors (the place where vain people go) to dine and are later married by the chaplain in the castle chapel (But she’s over a hundred years old! She is WAY to old for him!).

And they live happily ever after. (Sort of. Read part two and you’ll understand)

Rules for Time Travel and Exploring the Universe

~ Brooke F. ~ Leave a comment

A comprehensive and a specific list.

  1. Don’t ask questions you’re not prepared to have answered.
  2. There is always bigger.
  3. There is always weirder.
  4. There Do not disturb the sleeping. But if you do perchance, I hope you have a good pair of running shoes handy.
  5. Speaking of which, have a pair of running shoes at all times.
  6. Expect the unexpected so in that case, it is expected, therefore making everything expected.
  7. Do what you want, but have the firepower to back everything you do.
  8. Or just be incredible good a bluffing.
  9. Do not pet the black holes.
  10. Be on good terms with your own species.
  11. Look but don’t touch unless its completely necessary. And when you do touch, remember that there is a 75% chance that it’ll bite back or absorb you.
  12. It’s just like that sometimes. Die and move on.
  13. Beware the space rocks.
  14. Violence isn’t always the answer but it is sometimes.
  15. Your overall objective is to survive.
  16. The void is watching and judging you harshly.
  17. There are always exceptions
  18. You are immortal until proven otherwise.

Life and Lemons

~ Brooke F. ~ Leave a comment

“When Life Gives you Lemons…”

So I haven’t had a ton of time on my hands lately to make a new blog post (fall break has been fun but busy!). So here are some funny finishes to this age old phrase. The original goes:

“When Life Gives you lemons, make Lemonade!”

But everyone deals with circumstances in their own way.

1. When life gives you lemons, throw them back. Didn’t you mommy ever tell you not to accept food from strangers?

2. Unless life also hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is going to stink.

3. When life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic.

4. When life gives you lemons, plant a lemon tree and put on a t-shirt that says “life” on it and pick the lemons grown on the tree and hand them out on the corner of the road.

5. When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and sit back and let the world try and figure out how you did it.

6. When life gives you lemons, throw them at people!

7. When life gives you lemons, keep them because, hey, free lemons!

8. When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand choclate.

9. When life gives you lemons, find an annoying kid with a paper cut.

The 6 Stages of a Study Session

~ Brooke F. ~ Leave a comment

Steps of Studying

1. The Motivation

Whenever I need to study for something, at first, I’m pumped. I tell myself this’ll be a breeze and I’ll ace the test and I’ll be so scholarly and wear cool glasses even though I have perfect vision… but when the breeze turns into a hurricane, this motivation quickly leaves, leading me to step 2…

2. The Procrastination

I am a procrastinator. If getting distracted was a sport, I’d be on a Wheaties box. I suppose you could say I’m a pro (crastinator). In this stage Youtube is my biggest enemy and friend at the same time.

3. The Guilt

All through step 2 you are probably pushing back this nagging guilt. In step three this feeling resurfaces, leaving you on the edge of panic. If you are good student, then you’ll probably get your rear and gear and actually study but if you’re anything like me, you will proceed to step 4…

4. The Rationalization

This step is how you get reality to go away when it knocks on your door…

You will rationalize with yourself that you have plenty of time to get your book work done! One of the signs your a rationalizer is you use phrases similar to these:

Just one more episode of Andy Griffith and you’ll study…

Just another game of free cell…

It’s not procrastination if your drinking coffee… it’s procaffinating.

Well, another sentence read! I should reward myself with another study break and another box of pop tarts!

I wonder if iisuperwomanii came out with a new video….

They say if you say something enough, it’ll come true but what about if you ignore it? It’ll go away right? That’s how real life works, right?

Then comes along inevitable step 5…

5. The Realization/Panic

When reality goes from knocking on your door to repeatedly ringing your doorbell, to breaking the door down like some sort of Ninja Chuck Norris. But reality always seem to do this at the last second when you are an hour away from taking that test and you realize you are not toast, but charcoal that is covered in gasoline and gun powder that is on fire as it’s being thrown into an active valcano that is about to errupt! This is when you hit full on panic mode… and when you’re greatest ideas and inspiration comes, leading you to step 6…

6. The Scramble

No, I’m not talking about eggs. This step is also known as the cram. This step is usually about one morning as far time. This is where you cram so many factoids down your brain’s throat (I don’t even know how that works), that it practically shrieks in protest. In this step you burn like 12397 brain cells which is really sad considering you could of killed those cells doing something a lot more enjoyable, like watching Gilgan’s Island or smelling gasoline.

Then you usually end up taking the test, get a passable grade, and then come home, realizing, that the only thing you learned is… oh wait! You didn’t learn anything because all these steps are repeated the next time you have to study for a test! Live and don’t learn, that’s humanity for you!