The Ugly Princess

Once upon a time, there was an ugly princess.

At least, by noble standards. In fact, not a moment after she was born, the midwife cried out, “Oh! I think a curse has befallen this child!”

The Queen, at the time, did not believe this. But upon casting her eyes upon the child, her face fell into a deep and tired frown. The Queen, who was so very beautiful but so very vein, could barely bring herself to look upon the child.

As the Princess grew older, she endured much mockery due to her appearance, even if most of it wasn’t said to her directly. She could still hear the whispers of the other noble children behind her back. But the poor princess did manage to find solace in a few. She made friends with the servant’s children instead, playing in the halls and the castle’s kitchens.

This did not do very much for the child’s reputation among the nobles which was already somewhat in shambles simply due to the child’s appearance. But it did not matter to her. Regardless of how she was perceived by the upper class, the servant’s children would actually play with and their mothers would dote over her, regardless. She often heard them speak scornfully of the noble class’s vapidity. They assured her it wasn’t her fault.

But despite this assurance, it was no surprise that the princess still hated any talk of her appearance. At age eleven, she ordered her vanity mirror removed entirely.

Her father, despite his wife’s disdain for the child, loved her greatly and was saddened by this, though he never brought it up to the young girl, wishing to not make her insecurity worse. Part of him still hoped her mother and the other nobles would grow used to her and accept her.

But, when she reached the age of 13, it had grown clear to the king that she would never be accepted fully by her mother or any of the upper-class nobles. Realizing this, the King took it upon himself to train his daughter in the ways of being royalty, his wife refusing to do this much. Though the king was not versed in the ways of being a “lady of the court”, the king knew a lot about diplomacy and what it meant to love his people and to be well versed. But he did not stop there- the King taught her of the stars as well and how one could use them to read a map and navigate as well as the best one could defend themselves in various situations. It was these traits that he taught and passed on to his daughter, and even though she was not accepted among the nobles, among the people the Princess was known to be smart and tactful. 

One day, when the Princess was at the age of 16, the King threw her a birthday party. The Queen hated this, trying to insist that the affair be private, not wishing to draw any more attention to her daughter than needed. 

The King asked the Princess what she wished for and she said, “I wish for anyone in the Kingdom to be able to attend so they might be able to see their future Queen and know I will do a good job leading them. I want it to be a public affair for their sake.”

And that was enough for the King.

The Party was to be held outside, and everyone, common or noble, was allowed to attend and speak with the Princess who would be seated upon a raised platform with the King and Queen.

This all felt too much for the vein Queen, to be seated beside her daughter and in public too, but the King commanded it of her and so she sat, frowning deeply.

This event was one to behold, with people of all kinds coming to see the Princess they loved so dearly. Some turned away upon seeing her face but most looked upon her with a smile of admiration. They knew she would make a fit Queen.

The Princess spent her time speaking to many of the common folk as they approached the platform to wish her a Happy Birthday. It was all going very well till a cloaked woman found herself before the Royal Family.

“I hope you have such a wonderful birthday,” the cloaked woman said. She spoke with a rasp and seemed very old despite her face being concealed with a hood. Then she turned to the Queen, “You must be proud to have such a fine daughter as this,” she said, cocking her head slightly. 

The Queen, who had been seething this entire ceremony, was enraged.

“Such strong words from a hag such as yourself,” she spat. “You may be able to address the Princess with your face covered so but you shall not do so to me. I demand to look upon the face of who dares insult me.”

The woman threw back her hood, and to the Queen’s surprise, the woman looked very familiar. The Queen recognized the cruel but beautiful curve of her lips and her picture-perfect skin. The face was that of her own. 

“What sorcery is this,” she gasped, hands clutching her own face. Then she realized as her fingers felt her flesh, that they did not meet her usual perfect smooth skin. She felt wrinkles. “Oh! What have you done to me!” she cried.

“It would seem your Queen would do well to learn some manners,” The cloaked woman chuckled and shook her head at the King who sat there in shock, mouth agape at what he had seen.

“You’re a magic worker,” the Princess observed tactfully though her brow was furrowed in worry. It was unnerving to talk to a stranger who had just stolen your mother’s face, no matter how you felt about the woman.

“Astute observation, my dear,” The Sorceress replied. Then she turned back to the king. “I have been greatly insulted here today. For that, you and your people must pay. I will be at the foot of that mountain if you wish to come and apologize.”

The woman jabbed a finger, indicating the outline of a peak in the distance. Then, with that, The Sorceress snapped her fingers and disappeared in a puff of purple smoke, leaving the royals in shock and disbelief. They could hardly believe what had just happened.

Not more than 24 hours later, the Sorceress‘s curse began to come true. All across the kingdom, people began to fall ill with seemingly no cause. The sickness came as no surprise to The King so he was able to track the disease fairly quickly to the water supply. But among all his medical experts, they could not figure out a way to purify it.

“The people will die soon if we do not act quickly,” The King told his daughter. “But I don’t know what to do.”

“Do as The Sorceress instructed,” The Princess replied. “Go to the base of the mountain and apologize. Maybe she will have mercy upon us all.”

“No, no,” the King said with a shake of his head. “A Magic-worker cannot be reasoned with. I am afraid that is out of the question.”

The Princess resigned herself to silence though the gears in her head were beginning to turn. She made a plan, right then and there, to travel to the mountain and meet the sorceress and plead on the behalf of her people. 

That night, The Princess snuck out of bed and dressed. She grabbed a knapsack she had already packed that day that she had carefully hidden under her bed. She slung this over her shoulder but not before grabbing a handful of jewelry from her dresser and placing them in the bag. 

Perhaps if she can’t be reasoned with, The Socereress can be bargained with, She thought to herself, though part of her doubted the Magic-Worker would be very interested in such jewels. But she thought it was at least worth a try.

The Princess then made her way to the stables where one of the stable hands whom she had befriended over the years, awaited her with a steed. She thanked her friend before mounting and riding off into the night.

Her journey to the foot of the mountain was short and uneventful, much to The Princesse’s relief, taking only about a day’s ride. Though when she arrived, uncertainty began to plague her. The Sorceress had never exactly indicated where at the foot of the mountain she would be.

The Princess surveyed her surroundings. She saw before her a room of stone. It was more of an ornately decorated cavern really. With rune writing etched into the cave walls every which way one looked. But these writings aren’t what drew The Princess’s attention. Before her, just off the platform, she noticed nine rings had been carved into the cave floor and painted gold with a giant gold orb decoration at the center. As she neared the orb to touch it, she found herself stumbling to the ground, having tripped over something.

Pay closer attention, she scolded herself as she rose to see what had caused her to fall. It was yet another stone orb, this one painted a tan color and much smaller in comparison to the giant gold one at the center of the room.

“Odd,” she mumbled to herself, dusting herself off. Then, on a hunch, began walking a circle around the giant gold orb. Sure enough, there were more orbs much like the one she had tripped over, much smaller ones, all coloring different. 

Seven, eight, nine, she mentally counted the smaller colored orbs around her. They seemed to be scattered around the cavern haphazardly with no pattern or thought to placement. But every single one rested upon a specific golden ring. It didn’t take long for The Princess to put the pieces together.

They’re not just rings, she thought to herself. They’re orbits.

She realized that she wasn’t just standing in some oddly decorated cavern, but rather a room-sized model of the solar system. She recalled the astronomy lessons that she had with her father. There were nine planets in total. 

Each of the smaller orbs must represent a planet, with the giant golden one being the sun, she said to herself. But upon further inspection, she realized that they must be completely out of order. The smallest orb, which she took to be Pluto, was proof of that, resting much closer than it should to the sun and on the second orbital ring.

The Princess picked up the pluto orb and made her way to the very edge of the room and the last ring. As she paced its edge, she found a small groove in the stone floor that rested on the path of the orbital ring. The Princess couldn’t help but smile to herself as she knew she had figured out the puzzle. She placed the orb into the groove, pressing it ever so gently into place. It fit perfectly.

The Princess then set about arranging all the other orbs in the room, rolling the heavier ones to their rings and lodging them firmly in place. She worked at this for about ten minutes, until every single planet was in its place as well as in order. 

Once she rolled the final orb into place (a green one representative of the earth), a loud click sounded, reverberating off the walls of the cave. She stepped back in awe as she watched the floor begin to roll back at the center, revealing a spiraling staircase the descended into a dark void.

Now, this is where The Princess couldn’t help but hesitate. The Stairs mostly obscured by shadow circling down in the bowels of a dark hole looked anything but welcoming. But she thought of her people she had left behind that morning and all that was at stake here. And that was enough to send her forward, taking her first step down the staircase. Then another. Then another.

It wasn’t long before she had reached the bottom, finding herself in yet another cave-like room except this one was less empty. In fact, she would go as far as to say that this room looked lived in.

Pushed against the walls were a great number of shelves, containing a wide array of objects from books, to glass bottles, to odd-looking, gilded knick-knacks. The smell of cinnamon filled her nose as she moved about the room. She also noted in the corner was a small fire pit that contained a few small embers, burning low.

“Looks like I have a visitor,” a voice came from behind her. The Princess turned, not at all surprised to see The Socereress standing before her, though this time she stood up tall and straight and wore her mother’s cold, beautiful face. It of course startled The Princess, causing her to take an involuntary step back.

“Did I frighten you?” The Sorceress’s tone held amusement. “Oh, how rude of me to wear such a wicked woman’s face before you. My deepest apologies.”

She waved a hand across her face, her features morphing into yet another face, this one just as beautiful, but a little less harsh looking and with rounder features and smaller eyes. 

Did she steal that face too? The Princess couldn’t help but wonder.

“I have but two tests for you. Three technically though you already completed the first in the room above as you wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

“Well, what are they? I’ll complete any task you set before me.”

“Ah, not so fast! You don’t think I’m so kind as to just give you the opportunity to reverse my curse upon your little kingdom? No, where’s the fun in that! Where’s the risk? The Adventure? We need stakes. So how about this; If you complete the remaining two trials, I will lift the curse off your Kingdom and your mother right then and there. But! If you lose, you must give up your birthright to rule to me.”

If she did not accept, there would be no kingdom left to rule. The Princess had no choice but to agree.

“Oh, Splendid!” The Sorceress clapped with delight. “You seem very smart so I’m sure you have nothing to worry about. Let’s start with riddles! Is that alright with you? I’m quite fond of them.”

The Sorceress paced enthusiastically around the edge of the room, The Princess eyeing her suspiciously all the wall. 

“But this dull space ought never to do! After all, trials should be exciting!”

The Sorceress grabbed a handful of blue powder from a sack leaning up against one of the many bookshelves and blew the dust from her palm. The Princess wiped her eyes and sneezed, trying not to breathe in the powder.

 “What in the-” She coughed. The dust began to settle around her once she opened her eyes again. The sight that greeted her was unfortunately a grim one.

She was in a deep pit, and The Sorceress stood above her along the pit’s edge. Across from her was a stone plate with spikes, moving gradually towards her. This was, of course, a timed trap.

“Now!” The Sorceress called with glee. “Time for your first riddle!”

“First?!” The Princess exclaimed.

“Yes, first,” The Socereress acted as if she had something irritating. “This trial is comprised of three riddles. Answer them correctly or you die. Simple. Alright! First riddle!”

The Princess backed up against the opposite wall and listened closely, trying to not let her fear get the best of her.

“My tongue is long, my breath is strong, and yet I breed no strife; my voice you hear both far and near, and yet I have no life. What am I?”

The Princess breathed a sigh of relief. This was an easy one that all children knew.

“A Bell,” she responded. “Now, onto the next one, quickly.”

The Sorceress gave the Princess another annoyed look but went on.

“I am something people love or hate. I change people’s appearances and thoughts. If a person takes care of themself I will go up even higher. To some people, I will fool them. To others, I am a mystery. Some people might want to try and hide me but I will show. No matter how hard people try I will never go down. What am I?”

The Princess’s eyes darted around the room as she thought. A mirror? No, that can’t be it…

“Age!”

The Sorceress crossed her arms poutily. “Not fair.”

The Princess flicked another glance at the metal spikes crawling towards her, ever closer.

“No, it’s quite fair. Final riddle please.”

“I’m not making these hard enough,” The Sorceress grumped, but, to The Princess’s relief, she continued. “Only one color, but not one size, stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies. Present in sun, but not in rain, doing no harm, and feeling no pain.”

The Princess shrunk against the wall. She didn’t know this one either. Her mind raced as she evaluated the possibilities. But everything she thought of was ruled out due to that last line. 

“Present in sun, but not in rain, doing no harm, and feeling no pain,” she whispered these words to herself in a rush. The spikes were only a couple of yards away. The shadow of The Socereress danced along the bottom of the pit as she shifted from foot to foot, growing ever impatient. 

“I’m waaaaaiting.”

The spikes were only about two yards away now. That’s when it struck The Princess like a bolt of lighting. “A Shadow!”

“Darn.”

The setting around The Princess shifted again, all while the complaints and grumbles of The Sorceress could be heard.

“Drat, darn, crow’s feet, and maggots.”

A new room took shape around The Princess once more. The Final trial. And it must be an odd one for she found herself in a plain, high ceilinged room with no furniture. No furniture, that is, besides rows and rows of mirrors.

“Which one is real,” The Sorceress whispered to The Princess, suddenly appearing by the royal’s side. “You have one chance to tell me which.”

The Princess sighed inwardly. Another riddle.

Still, without complaint, The Princess surveyed the mirrors, not flinching from her reflection for the first time. She considered The Sorceress’s words, trying to decrypt the magic worker’s words. Her eyes searched her reflection in the glass to her left, repeating the words under her breath, “which is real?”

She then noticed that a reflection was slightly off- the woman in the glass did not have the right shade of eyes, being brown instead of green.

Ah-ha! She thought to herself. So I am to find which reflection is real.

The Princess turned to the mirror directly to her right. Here she noticed that the Princess looking back at her lacked a mole on her forehead. 

That mustn’t be right either.

The Princess turned to the many other reflections, the words playing in her head on repeat.

Which one is real?

Finally, she came to the last mirror, looking carefully at the image of a girl before her. Then she paused, a thought suddenly striking her.

“Well?” The Sorceress taunted from behind her. “I don’t have all day!”

“You asked which one is real,” the Princess said, slowly turning to look at the magic-worker. “Not which reflection or image was real.”

She turned back to cast another glance at the mirror, a small smile playing on her lips.

“But none of these are me. So none of these,” she gestured to the looking-glasses the surrounded them. “None of these are real, are they?”

The Sorceress remained strangely silent, careful not to give anything away, her face remaining emotionless and hard to read. But the Princess knew she was right before she had even said the words out loud.

“Except for this one,” she laid her hands on her own chest. “This one. This one is real.”

Behind her, the Princess could hear the Sorceress let out a sigh.

“Right you are,” she said. Much to the Princess’s surprise, the Socererss’s voice wasn’t angry or mocking. It wasn’t resigned either. Perhaps she was wrong, but she almost thought it was relief she heard in the magician’s tone.

“And that means I win, don’t I?” 

The ring of mirrors around them dissolved with a wave of the Socereress’s hand.

“Looks like it,” The Sorceress said, with a cock of her head. “Looks like I won’t be gaining a kingdom today. Though I am not quite as sad as I thought I’d be,” Then the Woman straightened, resuming her sly and intimidating demeanor. “Looks like your birthright to rule is safe for now, Princess.”

“And the River?”

“Already purified,” the Sorceress said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “You shall return to your kingdom to find everyone in good health and healed of the water’s plague as well.”

“Thank you,” the Princess said with a curt bow. “It would seem my business if finished here.”

“But aren’t you forgetting something?”

The Princess wavered a moment. “Am I?”

“I stole something from your mother,” The Sorceress gestured to her face, smirking. “Do you not wish for me to return her beauty?”

“Oh! I had all but forgotten about that,” The Princess said honestly. 

“I do not have to,” The Sorceress told the Princess, her mischievous smile growing wider by the moment. “It is not a secret that she has scorned you. I can bestow her beauty upon you if you wish it,” The Sorceress offered with an aloof shrug. “After all, revenge is a dish best served cold. She’d be green with envy I’d venture.”

The Princess couldn’t help but laugh. “I would ask you to return it to her if only for the fact that it belongs to her in the first place.”

“How good-natured of you.”

“Not really,” The Princess couldn’t help but offer the Sorceress a knowing grin. “It is not as big of a gift as some might make it out to be.”

“Spoken as a Queen.”

The next day, the Princess returned home to find all that the Sorceress had said had come true. All were healed of their afflictions and the water was purified. And, as promised, the Queen’s beauty had been restored, though one could hardly tell with how forlorn and dejected she looked. Never again did the Princess hear an unkind remark from her concerning her appearance. Though it hardly would have mattered to the girl whether she loved or hated her. Her people loved her and she had brought peace upon her land. That was enough.

The Lantern Princess

Once upon a time, there lived a princess named Nilsa. Her mother was a just and fair queen who was known for her charm and grace throughout all the land.
Her father, on the other hand, was a noble knight who fought with the ferocity of a dragon. He was both feared and loved among the people. It was he who named Nilsa, the word meaning “champion” as she would be a champion for her people.
As fate would have it, There came a time when Nilsa’s parents died she inherit the throne with reluctance.
However, word got out of her parents’ death and her father’s enemies began to make plans to attack the kingdom.
But the princess was no fool when it came to battle strategy as her father had taught her of things such as war. The enemies of the kingdom soon Found this out the hard way, returning home with few men, many of which were injured.
The rival Kings held a meeting among themselves and discussed as to how they could take the kingdom as they could not by force.
Then one proposed an idea. They would release locusts on their fields to destroy their farms.
The there agreed to this and they did as they discussed. They collected a hundred locusts and then released then on the Kingdoms fields. After a month’s time, there was no food left in the kingdom.
Nilsa’s people were hungry so she arranged and organized hunting groups to hunt down any available food. She herself was in one and so she rode out into the forest to look for game.
She came across a lady sitting in a stump. She looked haggard and was all bent over and she was very thin. A ragged cloak was thrown across her shoulders.
“Can I help you, Milady?” She asked the stranger.
“I am so hungry!” The other woman said, her voice hoarse. “I have not eaten in ten days. Please, can you prepare me a meal? If it is my last, so shall it be.”
“It shall be done,” said Nilsa. She hunted down a rabbit and killed it and returned to the woman. She then hastily made a fire and prepared it, cooking it brown. She then offered it to the lady along with some water from her own canteen.
“You are so very kind. But You are royalty? Why should you trouble with the likes of me?” The old woman said.
“A queen can eat when her subject’s stomachs are first full,” replied she.
Then the woman transformed into a beautiful shining woman in glimmering robes.
“Blessings upon you, Nilsa!” She said. “For you have proven yourself worthy. Your kingdom is ravaged with hunger but no longer this shall be.”
She then disappeared leaving Nilsa to wonder what has happened.
When Nilsa returned home, she came to find that the crops had regrown, twice as healthy and ready to harvest. Her people celebrated as they had an abundance of food.
The rival Kings marveled at this but resolved to bring Nilsa and her kingdom Down. The Kings held a meeting once more. This time they proposed they poison the kingdom’s water supply.
And so when Nilsa’s kingdom had nothing to drink, she journeyed into the forest once more in search of a new water supply. Upon searching, she came across a rabbit trapped in a trap.
“We are not hungry anymore,” she thought to herself. “So there is no need to kill it.”
And she released it but it did not run away. Instead, the creature panted mournfully and remained to lie on the ground.
“It must be thirsty as well,” she considered. And then she spotted a small well of crystal clear water. Without hesitation, she began to draw the water from out of its dark mouth. She then picked up the small creature and wasted no time in allowing it to receive the drink it had so craved. The rabbit lapped the water up greedily and then, strength regained, began to squirm. Nilsa loosened her grip, allowing the rabbit to escape.

Then suddenly, there was a bright light, and the lady in shimmering robes was present once more.
“Because you have proven yourself once again, I will aid you in your hour of need and quench the thirst of your land.”
And she disappeared once more and, like before, Nilsa returned to her kingdom to find their problem solved and the water not only purified but even clearer than before.
The Rival Kings were at their wit’s end.
“We need drastic measures!” Said one.
The others nodded in agreement and discussed what should be done. They finally agreed on a fire. They would allow the fields to catch fire from the north side of the kingdom and from the south side. The blazes then would eventually make their way to the castle and the village itself, leaving nothing but ash in its wake.
The night of the fire many lives were lost. But more than that, the village and the castle were reduced to nothing more than a few remnants of stone and charred wood.
Nilsa was badly burned but did not give up. That morning, she rose early and made her way into the forest. There, beneath a tree, sat the lady who had helped her before.
“I see that nothing will satisfy those villains but the downfall of your kingdom. But fear not as it will not come to pass for I have prepared a kingdom for you across the great divide. And there you and your people can live peaceably.”
“But the great divide is an uncrossable canyon of darkness where creatures of shadows roam,” said Nilsa. “How shall we cross safely.”
“The creatures are fearful of nothing but the light of fairies,” said she. “This I can give you so you might pass through safely.”
She stretched her hand out and in her grip was a lantern. “Light all the other lanterns with the light from this fire within the lantern and you will live to see brighter days.”
And with that, she was gone.
Nilsa wasted no time in returning to her fire scourged kingdom and telling her people of the fairy’s words. She then instructed her people to pack what material objects they had left and to arrange themselves in a line. Those who stood at the line’s edges and ends were armed with a sword and a lantern so to keep the darkness away.
And so Nilsa led her people into the dark divide. They encountered nothing though dark shapes in the distance could be seen, but they were long gone by the time they were nearing them.
Upon making it to the other side, the people were greeted with the sight of a beautiful, luscious, green valley with a castle at its center. Rivers of crystal clear water flowed throughout the rich farmland that lay in the outskirts of the kingdom and flowers of beautiful color lined the pathway that led to their new home. And there, Nilsa and her people built a new kingdom that became their paradise and they lived there happily for the rest of their days.
The ending for the evil kings, however, was not so happy. Strangely enough, one King’s water supply was contaminated. Another’s crops mysteriously withered away leaving him and his subjects with a food shortage. And yet another’s kingdom had a fire that swept across half of its entirety.
And while these Kings could not tell exactly why, but they somehow felt that it was the work of some form of strange magic. But the answer was far simpler; they were simply reaping that which they sowed.

The End

The Chess Princess

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess who lived in a lovely castle with a lovely library and a lovely king who was her father. 

This princess lived her days out happily, reading in the library, playing in the gardens, and (her most favorite activity) playing chess with her dad. 

But alas, a time came when the king died, leaving the queen behind to take care of the kingdom. Now the queen was a beautiful woman but she wasn’t necessarily a leader. There were enemies eyeing them and their land with greed. Now would be a decent opportunity to strike. The queen had to do something fast. So she arranged a political marriage between the princess and the prince of another kingdom, uniting them both under one banner. Soon there after, the queen died some say if heart break and some say of just plain stress.. 

Now the daughter was very sad at the loss of her parents and her arranged marriage, but she soon realized this is what fate had in store for her. So the coming year, she was married, and then the next year, was crowned queen alongside her husband who was crowned king. 

They went on to have a daughter, named Iris. The king was disappointed, hoping his wife would have a boy, therefore producing an heir. However, after the daughter was born, the queen had miscarriage after miscarriage. It soon became obvious that this was to be their only child and heir. The king was very saddened at this however the queen did not mind, loving her daughter with the purest love a mother could ever offer. So while the king attended his kingly business and largely ignored his daughter, the queen would spend time with her in the tower playing chess with her and read her stories. She wished to give her twice the amount of love to replace her father’s. 

But tragedy then struck yet again. Iris’s mother grew ill and quickly died not long after the princesse’s 15th birthday. This hit Iris very hard, Locking herself away in the tower for days to mourn. But she soon found strength through memory of her mother. 

“Remember,” she used to tell her during their usual chess game. “The Queen is the most powerful piece in the board. You are the most powerful piece on the board Iris.”

And so, after a three days of solitude, Iris walked out of the tower, standing tall and brave. But still very sad. 

Her years leading up to her 18th birthday were lonely ones, only gaining joy from her occasional trips to the town market, her daily rides, and of course her chess matches. She played nearly every single person of the castle staff, and beat them too. She had perfected her game it would seem.

Solemnly, Iris walked the courtyard of the tower she would soon be living in in the coming weeks. It was a tall, towering building, casting a dark shadow across it’s mosaic stone courtyard. It was once part of a old castle but now only a few crumbling walls and the tower remained. 

Inside, the tower was rather plain with no decorations in its room but had some of the most beautiful architecture she had ever seen. 

Iris decided she would not mind living here that much. Especially if she got to redecorate. But she supposed that hardly mattered as she would be only here as long as it took a prince to complete her test. 

So she began to think. But her thoughts began to swirl of her looming future marriage to a stranger and her controlling father so she stopped and opted to hide in the castle library and stare at her chess set, wishing horribly that her mother was there. She fiddled with the lovely stone pieces, tracing the shape of the knight’s arched neck, the pawns round top, when she was suddenly struck with an idea. 

“Always be the strongest piece on the board,” her mother’s voice echoed. 

“Don’t worry, mother,” iris whispered. “I will be.”

All night iris worked feverishly. Sketched after sketch she drew of her idea for her test. So when the morning came her eyes stung and she was utterly exhausted. But she did not rest- time was awasting!

She hurriedly ran down the castle stairs and into the courtyard where she met the black smith. She showed him her blueprints and sketches and of her idea. She asked him if he would help (she would pay him handsomely of course she added)

The black smith complied and began work as she requested. As the week dragged slowly on, the Princess was scarce, checking on the black smith constantly and sometimes even rolling up her sleeves and helping with the work herself. They were loosing time. The end of the week was near. 

Part of her doubted that they were going to make it. But on the fifth night her handmaidens and servants told her that they knew what she was up to. They told her to not to worry- they had not alerted her father of her activities. Not only that, they had heard through the castle gossip that they had fallen behind and they all wished to help. 

So That evening a group of young servant girls showed up at the black smiths forged with aprons and their sleeves rolled up and ready to work. And that night they finished. And early!

And then the seventh day came. 

The king demanded to see his daughters test for he had suitors waiting already. 

Iris led the king to the tower’s checkered tile court yard and gestured for him to look. 

Set up on opposing ends of the court yard arranged on the alternating squares were giant, metallic chess pieces. The pieces were giant, roughly about a head taller than most men though hollow so they could be pushed and moved with ease. There was a set of white pieces on the end closest to them and a set of black further away. 

“What on earth-?” The king began. 

“It’s my test,” iris explained. “Whichever suitor can beat me in chess may get my hand in marriage.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” the king responded. 

“It’s my test,” the Princess pointed out, refusing to back down. 

Finally the king agreed, thinking that surely some prince would beat her. But he was very very wrong

Game after game iris would crow those wonderful words, “checkmate!”

A week went by and the suitors began loosing interest and went to find other princesses with easier tests. 

Iris’s father was angry at first but there wasn’t much he could do. He had to abide by his family’s tradition.  

And so iris spent the next 10 years in her tower, and sometimes venturing out into the forest and generally led a peaceful life. 

It wasn’t long after those ten years that the king opted to retire and step down from the throne, becoming sick in his old age. 

And so iris, now completely grown and ambitious, volunteered to take over. The people agreed unanimously- she was to be their queen. 

Being so wonderful at chess led to her being a excellent tactician during war time, defending and conquering when needed. So the kingdom knew an era of peace beneath the chess princess.  

How to feel Magical

How to feel magical for all my fellow princesses and fairies out there…

Take baths with rose petals and moonlight

Use enchanted lotion

Aquire books

Gather flowers

Treasure keys and trinkets

Light candles

Paint

Write your favorite things in your journal and on your arms 

Collect cool looking glass bottles 

Learn languages of all kinds, especially Latin. 

Eat different things and try new foods on a regular. 

Go on walks often 

Admire nature

Stargaze 

Do your hair with sparkling things 

Stretch 

Give yourself time to think

Explore music

Draw in dark ink

Record the stars and how they move

Read stories and collect them like treasure only to share them with others. 

Makes wishes. Whether it be blowing the fluff off of a dandelion, throwing a penny into a well, or spotting a shooting star, don’t be afraid to make one. 

Sarcastic Sleeping Beauty Part Two

Part two

After having been secretly wed by the reawakened Royal almoner, the Prince continues to visit the Princess. She bears him two children, L’Aurore (Dawn) and Le Jour (Day), which he keeps secret from his mother, who is of an ogre lineage (Oh, so wouldn’t he have ogre in him too?). When the time comes for the Prince to ascend the throne, he brings his wife, children, and the talabutte (“Count of the Mount”) (Whoever the heck that guy is).

The Ogress Queen Mother sends the young Queen and the children to a house secluded in the woods and directs her cook to prepare the boy with sauce Robert for dinner (One, Cannibal alert! Two, her worthless husband doesn’t have anything to say about this?!).

The humane cook substitutes a lamb for the boy (Because lamb tastes like boys, not that the cook would know or anything), which satisfies the Queen Mother. She then demands the girl but the humane cook, once again, substitutes a young goat (Which tastes like girls? Girls and boys have different tastes?), which also satisfies the Queen Mother. When the Ogress demands that he serve up the young Queen, the young Queen offers to slit her throat so that she may join the children that she imagines are dead. While the Queen Mother is satisfied with a hind prepared with sauce Robert in place of the young Queen, there is a tearful secret reunion of the Queen and her children (Is the Queen really that sad to see her children are alive? They don’t even say they are tears of joy. They make it sound like she’s sad!).

However, the Queen Mother soon discovers the cook’s trick and she prepares a tub in the courtyard filled with vipers and other noxious creatures (Um, that’s nice. Totally normal thing for a Queen to do). The King returns (Wait, where in the world was HE?) in the nick of time and the Ogress, being discovered, throws herself into the tub and is fully consumed (Wait, what? “I have been discovered so let me throw myself into this random tub!). The King, young Queen, and children then live happily ever after (But they never went to visit grandma).

Sarcastic Snow White

Sarcastic Snow White

A  beautiful young queen sits sewing at an open window during a winter  snowfall (Why is she letting all the hot air in the castle out and the  snow in? My Mom would yell it me to shut the stinking window! Does she have any idea how much heat costs?! Were you raised in a barn? (Well, this is a fairytale so this may be a possibility…)) when she pricks her finger with her  needle (Smooth one, Queenie), causing three drops of red blood to drip  onto the freshly fallen white snow on the black windowsill. Admiring the  beauty of the resulting color combination, she says to herself, “How I  wish that I had a daughter that had skin as white as snow, lips as red  as blood, and hair as black as ebony” (Okay, this is kind of weird. So  she can have a daughter to her and say, “I jabbed myself in the finger  with a needle and thought of you!”). Soon after that, the Queen gives  birth to a baby daughter, a beautiful and sweet girl with skin as white  as snow (Unless she gets sunburn of course), lips as red as blood, and  hair as black as ebony. She is named ‘Snow White’.  Sadly, the Good Queen, Snow White’s mother, dies during child birth.

After  a year has passed, Snow White’s father, the King, takes a new and  second wife, who is very beautiful but a wicked and vain woman (Aren’t  all stepmothers?). The new queen, Snow White’s evil stepmother,  possesses a magic mirror (Just a random magic mirror that came from  nowhere), which she asks every morning, “Magic mirror on the wall, who  is the fairest one of all? (Not that she’s self absorbed or anything)”  The mirror always replies, “My Queen, you are the fairest one of all.  (Okay, so the mirror’s a suck up?)” The Queen is always pleased with  that because the magic mirror never lies (Or he’s just a suck up like I  said). But as Snow White grows up, she becomes more beautiful each day  and even more beautiful than the Queen, and when the Queen asks her  mirror, it tells her that Snow White is the fairest. (Snitch)

This gives  the queen a great shock. She becomes yellow and green with envy (That’s  why she’s not the fairest of ’em all anymore) and from that hour on, her  heart turns against Snow White, and she hates her more and more each  day. Envy and pride, like ill weeds, grow in her heart taller every day,  until she has no peace day or night (Because she has a weedy heart.  Ever hear of weed killer?). Eventually, the Queen orders a huntsman to  take Snow White into the deepest woods to be killed (Nice mum, ain’t  she?). As proof that Snow White is dead, the Queen demands that he  return with her lungs and liver (So she can do what with it? Eat them  for supper? By now, I wouldn’t be surprised. This stepmom lady has me  freaked out). The huntsman takes Snow White into the forest. After  raising his knife, he finds himself unable to kill her as she sobs  heavily and begs him; “Oh, dear huntsman, don’t kill me! Leave me with  my life; I will run into the forest and never come back!” The huntsman  leaves her behind alive, convinced that the girl would be eaten by some  wild animal (Like that’s any better). He instead brings the Queen the  lungs and liver of a young boar, which is prepared by the cook and eaten  by the Queen (I’m serious, I have never read this version of the story  before and I just foretold cannibalism).

After wandering through  the forest for days, Snow White discovers a tiny cottage belonging to a  group of Seven Dwarfs. Since no one is at home, she eats some of the  tiny meals, drinks some of their wine and then tests all the beds  (Sounds like Goldilocks to me). Finally the last bed is comfortable  enough for her and she falls asleep (“This bed is just right.”). When  the seven dwarfs return home, they immediately become aware that someone  sneaked in secretly, because everything in their home is in disorder.  During their loud discussion about who sneaked in, they discover the  sleeping Snow White (Who never woke up even though they were having a  loud discussion?). The girl wakes up (Finally) and explains to them what  happened and the dwarfs take pity on her, saying; “If you will keep  house for us, and cook, make beds, wash, sew, and knit, and keep  everything clean and orderly, then you can stay with us, and you shall  have everything that you want.” They warn her to be careful when alone  at home and to let no one in when they are away delving in the  mountains.

Meanwhile, the Queen asks her mirror once again; “Magic  mirror in my hand, who is the fairest in the land?” The mirror replies;  “My queen, you are the fairest here so true. But Snow White beyond the  mountains at the seven dwarfs is a thousand times more beautiful than  you (Tattle tale mirror)”. The Queen is horrified to learn that the  huntsman has betrayed her and that Snow White is still alive. She keeps  thinking about how to get rid of Snow White, then she disguises herself  as an old peddler. The Queen then walks to the cottage of the dwarfs and  offers her colorful, silky laced bodices and convinces the girl to take  the most beautiful bodice as a present (Wait, so Snow White doesn’t  recognize her? I mean, I know she’s disguised but this IS her mother). Then the Queen laces it so tightly that Snow White  faints (This part makes me breath heavily I can picture it a little too vividly.), causing the Queen to leave  her for dead. But the dwarfs return just in time, and Snow White revives  when the dwarfs loosen the laces.

The next morning the Queen  consults her mirror anew and the mirror reveals Snow White’s survival  (Snitching mirror! Why don’t you give it a rest?). Now infuriated, the Queen  dresses as a comb seller and convinces Snow White to take a beautiful  comb as a present (Come on Snow White, you can’t be that dumb). She  brushes Snow White’s hair with a poisoned comb, and the girl faints  again (Or not. Talk about learning hard), but she is again revived by  the dwarfs. And the next morning the mirror tells the Queen that Snow  White is still “a thousand times more beautiful” (Okay, sounds kind of like the mirror is rubbing it in here.). Now the Queen nearly  has a heart attack in shock and rage (But unfortunately she doesn’t as  then there would be no villain in the story). As a third and last  attempt to rid herself of Snow White, she secretly consults the darkest  magic and makes a poisoned apple, and in the disguise of a farmer’s  wife, she offers it to Snow White (Snow White, really. You’ve learned  you lesson by now, right?). The girl is at first hesitant to accept it,  so the Queen cuts the apple in half, eating the white (harmless) half  and giving the red (poisoned) half to Snow White (It would make a  interesting story if she accidentally switched up the halves. And by the  way, where the heck do you find an apple with a different color on each  side? Not suspicious at all.). The girl eagerly (and stupidly) takes a bite and falls  into a state of suspended animation, causing the Queen to triumph. This  time the dwarfs are unable to revive the girl because they cannot find  the source of Snow White’s poor health (I would be ready to give up by  now. She’s not worth it if she’s that stupid), and assuming that she is  dead, they place her in a glass coffin.

Time passes and a prince  traveling through the land sees Snow White (Rotting away in her  coffin?). He strides to her coffin and, enchanted by her beauty,  instantly falls in love with her (Falls in love with a dead body?! What  the-?!). The dwarfs succumb to his entreaties to let him have the  coffin (“Look what I got, mom! A coffin with a dead lady in it!”), and  as his servants carry the coffin away, they stumble on some roots  (Clumsy move). The tremor caused by the stumbling causes the piece of  poisoned apple to dislodge from Snow White’s throat, awakening her (So  the coffin doesn’t shatter at all? Tough glass. And so the Prince  doesn’t kiss her to make her awake? Well, I suppose that’s better.  Kissing dead bodies is on an even creepier level). The Prince then  declares his love for her (People in these stories are so shallow), and  soon a wedding is planned. The couple invite every queen and king to  come to the wedding party, including Snow White’s step-mother.  Meanwhile, the Queen, still believing that Snow White is dead, again  asks her magical mirror who is the fairest in the land. The mirror says;  “You, my queen, are fair so true. But the young Queen is a thousand  times fairer than you (Man, what a squealer!)”.

Appalled, in  disbelief, and with her heart full of fear and doubts, the Queen is at  first hesitant to accept the invitation, but she eventually decides to  go (Because they’re gonna have cake!). Not knowing that this new queen  was indeed her stepdaughter, she arrives at the wedding, and her heart  fills with the deepest of anger when she realizes the truth. As a  punishment for her attempted murders, a pair of glowing-hot iron shoes  are brought forth with tongs and placed before the Queen. She is forced  to step into the burning shoes and to dance until she drops dead (Ow,  ow, ow, ow! I definitely did NOT see that in the Disney movie!).

(With the dead body of the Queen laying on the ground, the couple are married. And, um, they live happily ever after? )