Tag: love

Different Kinds of Whimsy

~ Brooke F. ~ Leave a comment

Happy saturday afternoon, dear readers!

I have been thinking about whimsy again.

This is probably not surprising if you have been around here for a while. I have a tendency to take a perfectly normal concept, stare at it for long enough, and eventually turn it into some kind of personal theory.

Whimsy has been one of those concepts.

I think we have gotten very used to thinking of whimsy as an aesthetic. You know the look probably by now. Whimsy is sort of a buzz word at this point and I am too have found myself treating it as such too. Little bows, mushrooms, vintage toys, fairy wings, cottage gardens, colorful clothes, old books, tiny teacups, maybe a basket involved somewhere.

And I love all of those things by the way! Nothing wrong with them!!

But I think we should start thinking that whimsy is much bigger than how something looks because that idea can treat whimsy like a product that you can buy. Which is sort of anti-whimsy in of itself?

I don’t think whimsical people necessarily dress whimsically. I don’t think you need a cottagecore bedroom or a collection of antique teacups to be whimsical. I don’t even think you need to be particularly bubbly or cheerful.

I think whimsy is more about how you relate to the world.

And because apparently I cannot leave a thought alone once I have had it, I started thinking about the different ways people experience whimsy and that little spark of oh! This is fun!

So, welcome to my extremely unofficial theory of Whimsy Sources.

What even is whimsy?

For me, whimsy is the ability to find something delightful, interesting, playful, beautiful, strange, or meaningful in the ordinary world.

It could look like deciding that your coffee shop trip is an adventure and recording it in a journal. It could be making pancakes for dinner because you can and pancakes are kind of peak. Throw some whipped cream on it for good measure while you’re at it. Sprinkles for aesthetics. Or could be deciding to watch every single Disney Fairy movie and ranking them.

None of these things are particularly revolutionary. That is kind of the point.

And I think different people arrive at that feeling through different doors.

1. Nature Whimsy

Nature whimsy comes from finding magic in the natural world.

These are the people who stop to look at a weird mushroom. They notice birds and they collect rocks. They like walking through forests, watching storms, growing plants, looking for frogs, or sitting outside without necessarily having a productive reason for doing so.

Nature whimsy is basically the realization that the world is already full of fun weird little things.

You don’t have to decorate your house like an enchanted forest. You can actually just go outside and pay attention.

There is something wonderfully whimsical about realizing that a tiny beetle has been living its entire little beetle life under the same log.

2. Nostalgic Whimsy

Nostalgic whimsy comes from remembering.

Maybe you still love the toys you played with as a kid or you watch old cartoons. Maybe you collect things that remind you of childhood. This kind of whimsy is interested in the past, especially the little things that made life feel magical when you were younger.

In fact, I think there is something really beautiful about growing up while intentionally deciding which parts of childhood you want to carry with you.

You can pay your bills and still love Strawberry Shortcake, I promise. You can become an adult without deciding that everything you loved when you were eight was embarrassing. In fact, eight year old you was onto something.

Maturing is good.

You don’t have to throw away your sense of wonder in the process.

3. Storybook Whimsy

Storybook whimsy comes from seeing life through stories.

These are the people who give meaning to little moments. They journal. They write poetry. They love fairy tales. They imagine the history of an old building. They make traditions. They give names to things.

Storybook whimsy is probably the type I relate to most naturally because I am a writer. I love making up things and adding onto the huge world in my head that I’ve had since I was 11 years old.

4. Creative Whimsy

Creative whimsy comes from making things.

This can be painting, writing, crafting, baking, sewing, decorating, building, photography, music, or any other form of creative expression. And then you make it of course! (this can be a hard step if you’re perfectionist but I encourage you to give it try! It doesn’t have to be perfect! Just make!!)

I think this is one of the most sustainable forms of whimsy because you don’t necessarily need to buy anything.

You can take scraps of paper and make a tiny collage for exmaple. Or paint something that you normally wouldn’t think to paint. You can make something simply because you thought it would be interesting or fun.

There is something very whimsical about being a person who makes things.

5. Curious Whimsy

Curious whimsy is probably the easiest one to accidentally overlook.

It is the joy of finding things out.

These are the people who wander through museums. They love antique stores. They go down Wikipedia rabbit holes. And they ask questions. They want to know what that weird object is, why a building was designed that way, what a particular bird is called, or how something works. They’re very answer oriented. They want to find out more!

Curiosity is inherently whimsical to me because the world is incredibly strange when you actually pay attention to it. There are thousands of things around us that we simply don’t notice because we have gotten used to them.

Curiosity brings back that feeling of “Wait, what is that?”

6. Playful Whimsy

Playful whimsy is about, well, playing.

Games. Costumes. Silly traditions. Themed dinners. Pillow forts. Dancing to Barbie’s Princes and the Pauper Songs. Making up ridiculous challenges with your friends. Turning a normal outing into an adventure.

This kind of whimsy asks a very simple question:

“Why not?”

It’s the realization of free will in a sense.

Why not have a themed dinner? Why not dress up? Or make up a ridiculous tradition that only your friend group understands?

There are so many things adults stop doing simply because they have decided they are too old for them. Playful whimsy says maybe you don’t have to be and you can continue to make things up just because! Because why not??

7. Domestic Whimsy

Domestic whimsy is probably the quietest kind.

It is finding magic in ordinary life at home.

Baking something. Lighting candles all over the house to make it feel special. Decorating for the seasons. Making Sunday morning feel different from Monday morning by drinking out of your “Sunday Mug”. Or something like putting flowers on the table even though nobody is coming over.

Domestic whimsy focuses on realizing that your life does not have to be extraordinary to be meaningful and eventing little routines or habits that help with that.

You can have more than one

People I don’t think people fit neatly into one category. We often get inspiration and creativity and joy for many different places. These are not personality types or anything of that nature (I try to stay away from theories that are personality types. I don’t know enough about people to “categorize” them, plus it’s very hard to do accurately.)

They are more like sources of wonder.

Someone might be heavily nostalgic and creative. Someone else might be nature-oriented and curious. Someone might be deeply domestic but also extremely playful.

You could even have a combination like:

Nature + Curious + Storybook

Someone who likes hiking, learning about plants, and imagining the history of the places they explore.

Or:

Nostalgic + Creative + Playful

Someone who loves childhood media, makes things inspired by it, and enjoys turning ordinary gatherings into themed events.

Or:

Domestic + Storybook + Nature

Someone who loves gardening, seasonal traditions, baking, journaling, and making their home feel like a little story.

Whimsy vs. Escapism

This is probably the part of the theory I care about the most because I think whimsy can sometimes get confused with escapism. I also want to add, I don’t think escapism is inherently bad either but I do feel they are seperate things. Sometimes you need to watch a comfort show after a horrible day or, if you’re like me you need to play a video game for six hours and temporarily stop thinking about your responsibilities. Escapism in these scenarios feels healthy normal and, on certain days, neccessary.

We all need rest.

But Whimsy says:

“I wonder what’s interesting about being here.”

That distinction matters to me.

Whimsy doesn’t necessarily ask you to escape reality. It asks you to look at reality differently.

A walk becomes an adventure or a rainy day becomes an excuse to read. And one of my favorites, your garden becomes a tiny ecosystem worth observing. It is important to note that You aren’t necessarily trying to create a fantasy world because your real one isn’t good enough.

You’re finding the little pieces of magic that were already there.

And I think that can be a much healthier relationship with imagination.

Instead of constantly thinking, “I wish I lived somewhere else,” you start asking, “How can I make the life I have more interesting, meaningful, beautiful, or fun?”

That doesn’t mean you should ignore problems or pretend everything is wonderful.

Sometimes your life genuinely isn’t wonderful.

But I do think there is something powerful about learning to find joy inside reality anyway.

Maybe whimsy is a skill

This is where I have landed with all of this at the end of this thought exercise if you will. I don’t think whimsy is something you either naturally have or don’t have thought someone might naturally be more “imaginative” than other poeple. But I do think it can be cultivated. You can pick up an old hobby. You can create traditions. You can read stories and you can journal. And very importantly, you can let yourself be interested in things without needing them to be productive.

And that is what I mean when I talk about being a whimsical person..

Because adulthood asks us to become responsible, practical, productive people. And those things are good by the way!But I don’t think becoming an adult requires becoming completely disenchanted with the world. Maybe we can have careers and make things just for fun.

We don’t have to choose one thing.

What Kind of Friend Are You? Introducing My Friendship Animal Theory 🐕🐻🐍

~ Brooke F. ~ Leave a comment

I have a new internet project! But then again, don’t I always?

Well, technically I have had this internet project for a little while now, but I have finally given it a proper home.

I started a TikTok called Whimsy Theories, which is basically a place for me to take the random systems and theories that my brain comes up with and turn them into something other people can actually think about.

You may have seen my Fantasy Style Theory post, where I divide aesthetics into seven fantasy archetypes: Princess, Goblin, Knight, Wizard, Dragon, Mermaid, and Angel. That one is probably my favorite I’ve ever come with but it is definitely not the last. That theory started with me thinking about fashion and eventually turned into a whole little world of archetypes, combinations, modifiers, and aesthetics.

Then I moved onto another fun little theory except this one focuses on friend types.

And that is how I ended up developing the Friendship Animal Theory.

To preface, it is loosely inspired by the Six Besties Theory by Alexandra Hayes (You can check out more of her work HERE, I especially enjoy her podcast on youtube which is a delightful advice column.)

So What Is Friendship Animal Theory (The Friendship Bestiary)?

The basic idea is pretty simple:

Different people tend to fall into different roles and dynamics within their friendships.

Not personality types. And, importantly, Not permanent identities. Not “you are a Hound and therefore you behave this way in every relationship.” Instead, these animals describe the role you tend to take on within a particular friendship or friend group.

You might be a Hound with one person and a Bear with another. Or you might have a very different dynamic with your childhood best friend than you do with your coworkers or your newest friend. And I think that is part of what makes this more interesting than a traditional personality quiz or something akin to that.

Friendships bring out different versions of us.

You might be extremely independent in most areas of your life but become incredibly loyal and sentimental with your oldest friends. Or you might be the responsible one at work but the absolute chaos goblin of your friend group.

The question isn’t necessarily “Which animal am I?” though I will add, that if you are one type of friend, there is a higher chance that that tends to be a role you have in other relationships in your life. These are relationship patterns that can be consistent but definitely aren’t the hard rule for how you relate to people. The idea is that friendships aren’t just collections of individual personalities. They’re little ecosystems.

And in an ecosystem, different creatures interact with each other.

Some relationships are nurturing. Some are protective. Some are complicated. Some become unhealthy. Some change completely over time.

Ask yourself: What kind of ecosystem are you creating together, you and your friends?

Sheesh that was a lot of yapping. Are we ready to talk about the actual theory now? I hope so, because here we go!

The Core Friendship Creatures

The first group contains the creatures that represent healthy or generally constructive friendship dynamics.

These are the Bear, Fox, Frog, Owl, Magpie, Rabbit, and Whale.

🦊 The Fox: Mischief & Adventure

The Fox is the friend who makes life more interesting. Their core, if you will, is mischief and adventure.

They are the person who says:

“Okay, but what if we just went?”

Fox friendships thrive on experiences and Exploring somewhere you’ve never been. Sometimes even trying something ridiculous. The Fox brings movement and curiosity into a friendship. They’re your spontaneous friend.

They’re often the reason a perfectly ordinary afternoon turns into a story you tell six months later.

The Fox reminds us that friendship isn’t only about emotional support. Sometimes friendship is about having something to remember and experiencing stuff together!

🐸 The Frog: Silliness & Humor

The Frog is the friend who makes you laugh.

Their core is silliness and humor.

Frog friendships are full of inside jokes, ridiculous conversations, funny voices, memes, terrible ideas, and laughing at things that absolutely should not be that funny. The Frog is also the friend who can make an ordinary day feel lighter.

They remind us that friendship doesn’t always have to be profound. Sometimes the most meaningful thing someone can give you is an hour where you forgot about everything bothering you because you were laughing so hard that you both cannot even breathe anymore. Truly healing.

The Frog brings fun into friendship.

🦉 The Owl: Wisdom & Perspective

The Owl is the friend you go to when you need perspective.

Their core is wisdom and perspective.

The Owl can help you step outside your immediate emotions and look at the bigger picture. They’re the friend who listens to the entire story before responding. Or they might ask the question you hadn’t considered. Or they might even gently point out that the situation you are currently convinced is the end of the world probably isn’t. We need these people badly in our lives to often ground us.

The Owl doesn’t necessarily solve your problems.

Sometimes they just help you see them differently.

🐕 The Hound: Loyalty

The Hound is the loyal friend.

So, as you could probably guess, their core is loyalty.

The Hound remembers who their people are. They do this by showing up. They check in. And they ALWAYS notice when someone is missing. They care about maintaining the bond.

The Hound’s love often looks like consistency.

It’s the feeling of:

“I’m still here.”

🐻 The Bear: Protection

The Bear is the protector.

Their core is protection.

This is the friend who wants to make sure you’re okay. They might walk you to your car or defend you when someone treats you badly. Sometimes they might bring you food when you’re sick or help you through a difficult situation without needing to be asked. They want to help, at the end of the day, and make sure you’re OK.

The Bear’s instinct is:

“Let me take care of you.”

At its healthiest, this is a beautiful form of friendship.

The Bear reminds people that they don’t have to handle everything alone. Sometimes you really do need someone willing to stand beside you.

🪶 The Magpie: Thoughtfulness, Sharing & Connection

The Magpie is one of my favorites because their friendship language is thoughtfulness.

Magpies notice little things. They always remember what you like. They are the kind of friends to see something in a store and think, “Oh my gosh, Brooke would love this.” Or they might send you a picture because it reminded them of you. They LOVE to give gifts and share things.

They collect little pieces of life and bring them back to the people they love.

The Magpie is about connection through thoughtfulness.

It isn’t necessarily about expensive gifts or grand gestures either. It can be as small as a snack you mentioned wanting to try or A funny rock you found on a walk. A common gesture is a book recommendation. Some days it’s just a message that says, “I saw this and thought of you.”

The Magpie says to their friends:

“I saw this and thought of you!”

🐇 The Rabbit: Encouragement & Enthusiasm

The Rabbit is the friend who gets excited with you.

Their core is encouragement and enthusiasm which makes them very fun to tell good news.

You tell them you want to start painting? They’re excited.

You tell them you got a new job?

They’re excited.

You have a weird little hobby you’ve become obsessed with?

They’re asking questions.

You want to try something you’ve never done before?

They’re probably already cheering you on.

The Rabbit helps other people believe in themselves.

They celebrate their friends’ victories, including the tiny ones.

They’re the:

“YOU DID IT!!!”

friend.

The Rabbit reminds us that encouragement is its own form of love. Sometimes you don’t need someone to give you advice. You just need someone who is genuinely excited that you are excited. They are the cheerleader friend and are amazing for it.

🐋 The Whale: Depth & Emotional Intimacy

The Whale is the deep friend.

Their core is depth and emotional intimacy.

Whale friendships often involve long conversations, vulnerability, shared history, and the feeling that someone really understands you.

You can talk about your childhood. Your fears. Your dreams. Or even your weird philosophical thoughts at 1 AM.

The Whale creates a sense of emotional depth but this doesn’t necessarily mean you have to talk constantly.

A Whale friendship can be quiet or even a long distance friend. It can be the person you haven’t seen in months but somehow pick up with immediately.

The important thing is that there is depth underneath the relationship. The roots go deep.

And Then There Are the Disruptive Creatures

Not every friendship dynamic is healthy. And sometimes, even perfectly good friendships can develop unhealthy patterns. That’s where this second category of dynamics and creatures come in.

These creatures aren’t meant to mean “bad people.” They describe behaviors that can disrupt a friendship ecosystem. And importantly, you can sometimes fall into one of these dynamics without being a fundamentally bad friend. Ouch, reflection. I am not always a fan of this but who is. But because of this, the disruptive creatures can be helpful in identifying the pitfalls we fall into, especially among certain friends and friendgroups. For example, I may fancy myself the hound friend because I’m soooo loyal but I can also be a spider or wolf where I can depend on people too much and have an “everyone else sucks” attitude.

Alright, I’ll chill with the examples since we need to go a little more in depth with these…

🕷️ The Spider: Entanglement & Dependency

The Spider represents entanglement and dependency.

This is when two people become so wrapped up in each other that the boundaries of the friendship start disappearing.

You may feel responsible for the other person’s emotions or you may struggle to do things independently. In some of my experiences, I felt like I had to constantly be available.

The friendship can become a web. The closer you get, the harder it becomes to move freely. This dynamic is combatted by the reminder that Healthy closeness still leaves room for two people to be separate individuals.

🐍 The Viper: Resentment & Criticism

The Viper represents resentment and criticism. Double ouch.

This is what happens when frustration starts accumulating underneath a friendship. Instead of talking about what’s wrong, you become increasingly critical. I know for sure, this is a dynamic that I have partipcated in.

Little things start irritating you. You keep score. You notice everything the other person does wrong. Eventually, the friendship can become full of little bites. And the difficult thing about the Viper is that resentment often doesn’t appear out of nowhere. There may actually be a real problem underneath it that should probably be addressed with apologies all around. The issue is that instead of addressing the problem directly, the resentment starts leaking out through criticism or quiet resenment towards the other party.

🐺 The Wolf: Isolation & “Us vs. Them”

The Wolf represents isolation and an “us versus them” mentality.

This is the dynamic where a friendship or friend group becomes increasingly closed off. There is 100% an inner circle and it is not open to the public, I assure you! There are outsiders.

And eventually, being loyal to the group can start meaning distancing yourself from everyone else. The Wolf isn’t simply having a close friend group. Close groups can be wonderful! But the real problem arises when closeness requires exclusion.

When “we’re close” becomes “we’re against them.”

🦅 The Hawk: Domination, Superiority & Competition

The Hawk represents domination, superiority, and competition.

This is the friendship where someone starts trying to establish themselves above everyone else.

Who knows more? Who is more successful? Who has more friends? Who is more attractive? Who is the leader?

The relationship stops feeling collaborative and starts feeling like a hierarchy.

The Hawk doesn’t necessarily have to be loud and domineering in an obvious way. Sometimes superiority is subtle. It can look like constantly correcting people, one-upping stories, competing over achievements, or needing to feel like the most important person in the room.

The Hawk can be combatted by the concept that friendship isn’t supposed to be a scoreboard.

🪱 The Leech: One-Sidedness

The Leech represents one-sided friendship.

One person gives and the other takes. And takes. And takes…

One person always listens. One person always needs help.

One person makes the plans. One person always has an excuse.

Of course, friendships aren’t perfectly equal every single day. Sometimes one person needs more support especially during difficult life phases. Sometimes someone is going through a difficult season and that’s all there is to it.

The Leech dynamic happens when the imbalance becomes the relationship.

There is no real reciprocity.

One person keeps pouring into the friendship while the other keeps consuming it. Signs you may be dealing with this is a constant drain from a friendship.

🦜 The Parrot: Gossip & Carrying Information

The Parrot represents gossip and carrying information between people. Oh boy, this is gonna be fun…

This is the friend who always knows something. And more importantly, always seems to have something to tell someone else.

“Well, she told me…”

“Apparently he said…”

“Don’t tell anyone I told you this…”

The Parrot can become the communication highway between different parts of a friend group. Information travels. Then Secrets travel. Comments get repeated that probably shouldn’t be. And then things get taken out of context. And suddenly everyone knows things they probably shouldn’t know and everyone is upset while the Parrot might shrug and think they’re simply a nuetral third party.

The Parrot dynamic reminds us that information is part of relationship trust.

Just because someone told you something doesn’t mean it was yours to pass along.

Principals

The Species Principle

The first rule of the theory is something I call the Species Principle.

And it is probably the most important one.

People are not species. Relationships are ecosystems.

You aren’t simply a Bear Friend™ who behaves like a Bear in every relationship you have.

You might be a Bear with your little sister, a Magpie with your best friend, and an Owl with a coworker you have slowly become friends with.

The creature describes the dynamic, not the person. This is why I don’t really think of the theory as a personality test (sorry if I keep repeating myself). The same person can behave completely differently depending on who they are with and I think that’s normal. That’s what makes people so layered and complicated sometimes, so it’s no wonder our friendships can ALSO be layered and complicated at times.

The Mirror Principle

We don’t just bring our own behavior into friendships.

We respond to each other.

A friend who makes you feel safe might bring out a more vulnerable side of you. And A friend who is constantly critical might make you defensive (naturally). A friend who is silly might bring out your own silliness.

Please don’t take this to mean other people are responsible for our behavior. It means relationships are interactive. You affect the ecosystem, and the ecosystem affects you. That’s why I don’t think these creatures should be treated like permanent identities.

Which leads into the Combo Principle!

The Combo Principle

Most people are combinations.

You might be a Hound + Magpie with one friend.

You’re deeply loyal to them, but you also love remembering little things about them, giving them gifts, and collecting memories together.

Or maybe you’re a Fox + Frog.

Every time you get together, something ridiculous happens, and you are usually the person who suggested the adventure in the first place.

Maybe you’re an Owl + Whale, where your friendship revolves around deep conversations and understanding each other.

The combinations are endless. And honestly, I think combinations are probably more representative of real friendships than trying to force everyone into one a rigid and hyperspecific category or animal.

The Transformation Principle

One of the most important ideas in this theory is that creatures can change.

A friendship isn’t frozen.

A Hound can become a Viper when loyalty turns into resentment. A Whale can become a Spider when emotional intimacy turns into dependency. Remember friends, the positive and disruptive creatures aren’t completely separate worlds. There are cases where the unhealthy dynamic is simply a healthy instinct that has been pushed too far.

That’s why I don’t want people to try and use these animals as permanent labels. They’re more useful as warning signs and lenses and probably best used in hindsight or reflecting, especially in cases where we may be in the wrong!

The Impermanence Principle

The final principle is that friendship ecosystems are temporary and changing.

People change. You change too actually even though you may not feel it.

People move, get new jobs, get married…

You discover new interests. You go through difficult seasons. Sometimes friendships grow stronger and sadly but realistically, sometimes they become more distant. And though I hate it when this happens, sometimes a person who was once central to your life becomes someone you see once every few years. It hurts but it is part of life. To quote the Ratitouille movie by Pixar, “Change is Nature”.

That doesn’t necessarily erase what the friendship meant. Some relationships belong to a particular season of life and, miraculously and amazingly, some evolve with you.

And Some end.

And that’s okay.

An ecosystem isn’t supposed to stay exactly the same forever.

Possible Additions to the Theory…

I do have a two additions I’ve considered for this theory…

I’m unsure how to add them though as they truly do feel like “nuetral” creatures that describe a specific type of relationship in people’s lives. So I’ll let you leave your thoughts on these in the comments.

The Cat 🐈

The Cat represents independence. I know, shocker.

This is the friend who loves their people but also really likes having their own little world. They might disappear into a hobby for three days. They probably are also very low maintence and do not need constant texting.

They can spend time alone without interpreting it as loneliness. And they generally don’t need their friendships to consume their entire life.

A healthy Cat understands that closeness and independence can coexist. You can love someone deeply and still have your own life.

🦋 The Moth: Rekindled Friendship

The Moth represents the rekindled friendship.

This is the friend you find your way back to.

Maybe you were inseparable in high school and then life pulled you in completely different directions. Maybe you had a falling out. Maybe you simply lost touch. Maybe years passed without either of you realizing quite how long it had been. And then, somehow, magically, you find each other again. There is something very moth-like about this kind of friendship and I love it. You may have wandered away from the light for a while, but eventually you find your way back.

A rekindled friendship doesn’t necessarily become exactly what it was before. Sometimes you discover that you have both changed too much for that. Instead, you get the strange and wonderful experience of meeting an old friend again as the people you’ve become.

The best Moth friendships don’t try to recreate the past. They make something new and good.

There is usually a little nostalgia involved. Old jokes come back. You remember things you had completely forgotten. You find yourself saying, “Oh my gosh, remember when…” But there is also a new layer to the friendship because you are no longer the same people who knew each other the first time around.

The Moth relationship can remind us that distance doesn’t always mean complete disappearance or even means the end of something.

Some friendships go quiet for a season and still have enough warmth left to be rekindled. These cases are rare but they’re oh-so-beautiful when they occur. You are truly blessed if you have a moth friendship.

So What Creature Are You?

Maybe the answer isn’t one creature. Most people aren’t to be completely honest with you. I’d be shocked otherwise.

Maybe you’re a Hound + Magpie with your oldest friend.

A Fox + Frog with your adventure buddy.

An Owl + Whale with the person you have all your deep conversations with.

A Rabbit + Magpie with the friend you are constantly encouraging and surprising with little gifts.

And maybe there are certain dynamics you’re trying to move away from.

Maybe you’ve noticed some Viper creeping into a friendship because you’ve been holding onto resentment. Or you’ve been slipping into Parrot behavior by carrying information between friends. It’s so easy sometimes, I’m sure. Especially among certain crowds and groups.

That is what I actually want this theory to be useful for. Not putting yourself into a very specific box with parameters and DEFINITELY not deciding that someone is a “bad friend” because they fit an animal. I would also add to not treat these as permanent personality types. Instead, I want them to give us a fun little language for talking about something that is actually pretty complicated:

the ecosystems we create with other people.

Because friendships are weird and nuanced.

Sometimes you’re the one bringing little gifts or encouraging people. There friend groups with which we’re the “class clown”. There are days where we’re the enourageer. And sometimes, if we’re being honest, we’re the one who needs to take a step back and ask ourselves what we’re contributing to the ecosystem. Which is probably why I like this theory so much.

It gives us a way to look at friendship without reducing people to personality types.

We’re not species. Our relationships are ecosystems (hit me if I say this again lol.)

And apparently I am going to keep making theories about them.

Stay tuned everyone and thank you for sticking around and getting through this so very long post!

Byeeee!

Side Quests I’ve been up to lately

~ Brooke F. ~ 1 Comment

Happy April afternoon, dear readers! It has been a minute since I’ve done a personal update so here we go!

Over on my tiktok, I have been posting about reframing activities in my personal life as “sidequests” and, let me tell you, this has increased my enjoyment in regards to the activities significantly. (Except for the taxes sidequest. That one will always suck. I hate it I hate it I hate it).

All that being said, I wanted to update ya’ll on a few “sidequests” I have been up to lately!

1. I watched the new Mario Galaxy Movie

    My review? It was cute and kind of chaotic. Like a Mario fever dream. I do wish they had gone a little deeper with some of their characterization, especially when you have Roslina, the absolute queen to write for but, alas, this is too much to ask for in kids’ movies these days. Don’t get me wrong, it was a fun watch, but I do think a lot of that was due to the fact that I am a Nintendo kid, and the references were NOT lost on me. Nothing crazy, it was just fun. Plus I went with friends and that always improves the viewing experience. Nothing like a bunch of adults giggling in the back row over Jack Black Bowser…

    2. I’ve started growing mushrooms in my basement

    So, for Christmas, my mother gifted me a mushroom growing kit, and I have been putting it to good use. It actually took me awhile to get started because I forgot about it on a random shelf in my laundry room (sorry mom) and it started growing OUT of the cardboard box without my permission, so I figured I had better set it up because those mushrooms were gonna grow, whether I liked it or not.

    Oyster mushrooms by the way. Quite yummy fried in a pan with butter.

    3. I’ve been making more Tiktoks lately…

    Forgive me, but I’ve been feeding the shortform content beast. Mostly, I’ve been experimenting with the many fun ways one can engage their audience with very specific opinions on dragon designs in media. TikTok has a very active and opinionated user base so, sometimes, it’s fun to tap into that. I’m having a fun time over there, what can I say. Plus it feels like a much more casual space to share things that I like or have been up to.

    4. I’ve started a war with the wasps on the porch

    I’m winning by the way.

    Spring has brought an onslaught of awful bugs, and wasps are at the top of that awful list. For some reason, my front porch is a piece of highly valued real estate in the wasp world. I took it upon myself to bring the property values down. Like way down.

    5. I’ve taken to a more intuitive approach when writing

    I do have writing goals I’d love to get to, but I’ve been a lot less likely to sit down and write on something when I don’t feel like it lately. My job has been picking up in busy-ness lately, so I have given myself permission to write a chapter or two on whatever project I feel like and not touch it for a week. This is NOT a great way to have an extensive writing output, let me make that clear. If you want to make writing progress, maybe don’t do this because I hasn’t proven productive for my many WIP’s HOWEVER I’m okay with that right now. I’m learning to be okay with Writing being a hobby and that I don’t have to set large, lofty goals with it. My goal should simply be to enjoy it, first and foremost, and in certain life phases that may look differently than in others.

    And that feels like a good note to leave on. I’ve been up to more, I’m sure if I’d sit down and think about it really hard, but I think this is a good place to leave it. If you want more details on what I’ve been up to, you can check out my aforementioned TikTok. Take care, friends! Hope you are treating yourselves kindly this spring!

    When Did Everything Become a Photoshoot?

    ~ Brooke F. ~ Leave a comment

    Pre-warning: I am griping again

    Everything now has this pressure to be aesthetically pleasing all the time thanks to the internet.

    And listen, I get it. Trust me, ya’ll, I grew up during the golden age of Instagram. Pinterest is probably one of my MOST used apps, and yes, it is a problem sometimes.

    Romanticizing your life and making things “pretty” can be fun. It can even be motivating. Lighting a candle before you write. Making your desk space whimsical. Using the good pen. Brewing coffee in your favorite mug. I’ve even written blog posts about fun ways to romanticize your writing process, so, in a way you could say maybe I’m guilty as well.

    There is something lovely about being happy with your appearance and space.

    But, recently, I’ve come to a weird sort of realization…

    It feels like we’ve crossed from intentional beauty into constant performance.

    There’s an overemphasis on aesthetics in general. Not just in writing alone, but in life in general. (I know, I know, I sound like a harpy old lady but hear me out).

    Girls are expected to be pretty all the time. Self-growth is framed as “hot girl advice.” “Hot girls wake up at 5 a.m.” “Hot girls drink green juice.” “Hot girls don’t text first.” “Hot girls have spotless kitchens and perfect side profiles and somehow glowing skin while journaling about their boundaries.”

    Since when did personal growth become a rebranding campaign? And what is this weird obessesion with being a “hot girl who x”?

    It’s like the ultimate goal in life is to look amazing at ALL times. To have your life be this curated, aesthetically pleasing collage of neutral-toned items and sunlit corners. Your coffee has to look right. Your Bible has to be color-coded. Your gym outfit has to match. Even your healing has to be photogenic.

    It’s ridiculous.

    The internet is a highlight reel and we all know that. It captures moments in time. A split second. A perfectly framed sliver of someone’s day. We are not designed to line up and look exactly like these captured moments in time at all times. We are not still images.

    We are messy, moving, complicated beings.

    Now we are ebbing into looks over substance in every area of our lives. We spend way too long taking an aesthetically pleasing desk picture or finding the perfect angle to show off our cup of coffee beside our journal. And somewhere in that process, the coffee gets cold and the journaling becomes secondary.

    The writing — the actual writing — becomes less important than how it looks to be writing.

    And that’s where the fun starts to drain out.

    Because the substance is the point. Not the proof of it.

    There’s nothing wrong with beauty. There’s nothing wrong with liking nice things. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying an aesthetic. I am not anti-whimsy. But when aesthetics become the main goal instead of the byproduct, it begins to feel like everyone is now encapsulating the brand of being a writer. I feel like we’re losing a lot of authenticity in general. Again, I don’t want to sound like I’m grouching about everyone else, this is something I’m guilty of as well. My whole instagram page is color coordinated.

    Really, I’m just sort of ranting to the void and maybe myself. Maybe it’s time we get back to the basics.

    And if it happens to look pretty? That’s a bonus.

    Maybe it’s time to become a writing minimalist. No routine, no coffee, no pretty desk space. Just writing.

    No One Prepared Us for Adult Friendship

    ~ Brooke F. ~ 4 Comments

    Recently, a certain topic has been occupying my thoughts more and more. I have read a few books and listened to a handful of podcasts on it, yet I still feel like it is not discussed nearly enough. I am, of course, talking about friendship. Female friendship specifically.

    Right now, we live in a time where dating advice is everywhere. Dating coaches dominate social media feeds, and the internet is overflowing with content about how to attract, keep, or heal from “the one.” Meanwhile, friendship, and the role it plays in shaping our lives, often feels like an afterthought. It is treated as something secondary or assumed, rather than something that also requires intention, care, and understanding.

    My interest in this topic has only grown as I have moved through different stages of life. There are particular growing pains that surface when you and your friends make the leap from high school to college. Things become complicated, but not in the dramatic, obvious ways we expect. Instead, the complications are quieter, slower, and often harder to name.

    High school friendships are already known for their turbulence. There are obvious highs and lows, and plenty of material there for discussion. Lately, though, what draws my attention most are articles and podcasts that focus on adult friendship. These are conversations led by people who are trying to put language to experiences many of us share, especially those that feel unique to this moment in history. How do you transition from high school to college without losing everyone you care about? Why does it suddenly feel like people are drifting away or ignoring you? Why do your friends start changing in ways that make you wonder whether the friendship can survive at all?

    There are also new complications that previous generations did not have to navigate in quite the same way. I have a friend who is a terrible texter, and our friendship has suffered because of long distance. Before the age of phones, this kind of constant but uneven communication was barely possible. Now, silence can feel personal, even when it is not meant to be. We find ourselves living in a unique era for adult friendship, one shaped by technology, mobility, and shifting expectations. That reality fascinates me.

    These nuances still feel under-discussed, so I want to share a few of the voices I have been reading and listening to lately that have really fueled my interest in this topic.

    First, and easily my favorite, is Alexandra Hayes Robinson. She is a YouTuber who runs an advice column, and she gives friendship the kind of thoughtful attention it deserves. One of her most well-known ideas is the “six besties” theory, which I love so much that I want to briefly recap it here.

    The core idea is that different friends play different roles in your life, with varying levels of closeness and responsibility. She talks about a Good-Time Bestie, someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with and can have fun with, but who may not be the person you call during a crisis. She also introduces the North Star Bestie, the friend who plays an active, steady role in your life and who feels safe knowing the deepest parts of you. She goes on to describe coworker besties, people you genuinely like and enjoy within a work environment, even if you rarely see each other outside of professional settings, along with other friendship categories that reflect real adult dynamics.

    I appreciate this theory because it helps make sense of how messy adult friendships can look once you leave the structured world of school. Not every friendship has to be all-consuming or lifelong to be meaningful. This framework allows for friendships to shift without immediately jumping to the conclusion that they have failed or must be ended entirely.

    I also think this approach helps manage expectations. Not every friend can, or should, meet the same emotional needs. This theory simply gives language to a truth many of us already feel but struggle to articulate. For that reason alone, I highly recommend checking her work out.

    Next up is Charlotte Morabito. While I do not watch her content quite as regularly, she has a strong catalog of thoughtful videos on friendship, particularly on the unhealthy mindsets we often cling to that end up creating unnecessary conflict in our relationships.

    Just this morning, I watched an excellent video of hers titled “Why You Always Care More Than Your Friends.” What I appreciated most is what the video does not do. She does not default to the familiar narrative of telling you that you are “just such a giver,” while everyone else is lazy, selfish, or simply not worthy of your time. There is no rush to villainize your friends or to encourage cutting people off at the first sign of imbalance.

    Instead, she approaches the topic with a more critical and grounded lens, walking through a variety of dynamics that could realistically be at play. One possibility she explores is the idea that you might be trying to prove your friendship to someone by immediately showering them with praise, favors, and attention. While this often comes from a good place, it can quickly become overwhelming and even unhealthy, especially when it is rooted in insecurity or fear of being abandoned.

    She also talks about how mismatched expectations can quietly erode friendships. It is possible that you have never clearly communicated what you need from your friends. Maybe they genuinely believe you enjoy planning every outing or initiating every conversation and do not want to step on your toes. In that case, what feels like neglect to you may simply be a misunderstanding on their end.

    I really appreciate this framework for discussion because it steers away from accusation and instead encourages self-reflection. It asks people to consider how their own patterns, assumptions, and unspoken expectations might be contributing to the situation or even creating it entirely. If there is one thing that feels universally true, it is that people can get very lost inside their own heads.

    Anyway, I have linked the video below if you are interested in checking it out for yourself.

    Third up is Psychology with Dr. Ana. She is a licensed psychologist, which brings a slightly different and more scientific perspective to many of the scenarios she discusses, and that is especially true when it comes to her conversations about friendship.

    Much of her content centers on the expectations we carry in our heads but never actually communicate to the people around us. She talks about boundaries, the importance of naming your needs, and the thinking patterns that can quietly cause us to get in our own way without us realizing it. Rather than framing these issues as personal failures, she presents them as habits that can be examined and adjusted with awareness and practice.

    What I appreciate most is that she manages to cover these topics without slipping into overly polished, holier-than-thou therapy language. Her approach feels accessible and practical, which makes her insights easier to absorb and apply to real-life friendships rather than leaving them stuck in the abstract.

    Finally, I read a book. Yes, everyone, I am now an expert.

    That said, I will admit it is not as directly related to adult friendship as my previous recommendations. The book focuses specifically on female friendship during middle school and high school. Even so, I found it incredibly relevant. It explores how, as women, our friends often have the ability to wound us more deeply than almost anyone else in our lives, all while leaving us questioning whether we are imagining the hurt in the first place.

    A large portion of the book examines female aggression and the subtle ways it tends to be expressed. Rather than overt conflict, it looks at exclusion, silence, passive behavior, and emotional manipulation, patterns that are often dismissed or minimized. While the book is not explicitly about adult friendship, I still think it is an excellent resource for anyone who carries a lot of baggage from past female friendships, or honestly, for anyone at all.

    I do not have to tell you that some people do not outgrow the behaviors described in this book. Those patterns can easily follow us into adulthood if they are never named or challenged. Because of that, I also think this book can be useful as a mirror. It gives us the opportunity to check ourselves, to make sure we are saying what we mean, communicating clearly, and having necessary conversations instead of letting resentment quietly build. (See said book below)

    IN CONCLUSION…

    Friendship is not a static thing we master once and carry effortlessly through life. It changes as we change, shaped by distance, time, technology, and the quiet evolution of who we are becoming. The transition from adolescent friendship to adult friendship can feel disorienting precisely because there are so few clear scripts for it. We are often left trying to interpret silence, shifting priorities, and unmet expectations on our own.

    What these books, videos, and conversations have helped me realize is that many of the tensions we experience in friendship are not signs of failure, but signs of growth happening in real time. Adult friendship asks us to be more self-aware, more communicative, and more honest than we were ever required to be before. It challenges us to examine our expectations, our insecurities, and the roles we unconsciously assign to the people we love and probably want to keep around!

    If nothing else, I hope this encourages more open conversation around friendship, especially female friendship. It deserves the same thought, care, and nuance we so readily give to romantic relationships. I think this post is probably the beginning of many, as I delve deeper into this topic, so there is likely more to come! Stay tuned!

    A Vibe Check for Spring: What’s In & What’s Out (According to Me, for No Real Reason)

    ~ Brooke F. ~ Leave a comment

    Look, I’m not saying I’m a trend forecaster or anything, but I am saying I have a lot of feelings about things right now. Spring has me in a refresh-and-renew mood. Think open windows, iced drinks, and a chaotic urge to either completely change my life or do absolutely nothing. There’s no in-between. I live in a world of extremes…

    So here it is: a completely arbitrary and highly personal list of what I’m loving lately and what I’m politely (or not so politely) retiring. No real logic. Just vibes.

    🌸 What’s IN (aka bringing me unreasonable joy lately)

    • Cream soda – I don’t know why this tastes like childhood nostalgia and magic at the same time, but it does. Bonus points if it’s pink.
    • Cute coffee shops – I’m talking mismatched mugs, plants in every corner, and baristas who remember your name. We’re romanticizing our lives this year.
    • Taking walks everywhere – Walking as a personality trait? Absolutely yes. Give me sunshine, a good playlist, and no real destination.
    • Impressionistic art – Big yes to blurry florals and soft, moody landscapes. If it looks like a daydream, I’m into it.
    • Gas station snacks – High-end cuisine? No thanks. Give me peach rings and a questionable corn dog.
    • Retro games – N64, pixelated chaos, that clunky PS1 startup sound. Inject that straight into my bloodstream please.
    • Pasta – Any kind. All kinds. Pasta is self-care now.
    • Formal gowns for no reason – Go ahead, wear that dramatic dress to buy toilet paper. I support you.
    • Saying “no” to protect your mental space – Revolutionary, honestly. I feel like I have to remind myself to do this at some point every year. Gotta keep that FOMO in check.
    • Giving people the benefit of the doubt – Life’s weird for everyone. Let’s chillout for a second and maybe stop making character assessments of everyone on the interstate just because they didn’t use a turn signal once. Draining honestly and yet I indulge.
    • Microwave popcorn – The perfect snack for every situation. Salty, satisfying, and takes two minutes. Iconic.
    • Herb gardens – Even if it’s just one sad basil plant on a windowsill. We’re farming now.
    • Petting as many cats as possible – If there’s a cat, I’m stopping. Priorities.
    • Body spray – Strong 2006 mall energy.
    • Changing your bedding regularly – Like hitting a mental reset button. Plus clean smelling sheets are *chef’s kiss*,

    🧼 What’s OUT (aka, I’m over it)

    • Buying ingredients but never cooking – If I have to throw out one more wilted bunch of cilantro…
    • Cheap soap – We are grown. Our hands deserve better.
    • Grudges – Too heavy to carry. Let it go, Elsa-style.
    • Cruddy socks that need to be replaced – Why do I still have socks with holes in them?? And why does it feel illegal to just throw them away?????
    • Plain coffee – I want cinnamon. I want foamed milk. I want joy.
    • Falling asleep to your phone/TV – No more scrolling into the void. Let’s reclaim bedtime.
    • Minimalism – Bring back cluttercore. Give me trinkets. Give me personality.
    • 6am alarms – Unless it’s for something exciting or airport-related, no thank you.
    • Self guilt – You don’t have to earn rest or joy or snacks. Be nice to yourself.
    • Hanging in groups that make you feel bad – Nope. Friendship should feel like sunshine, not stomach knots.
    • Not complimenting people but still thinking it – Just say it! Give strangers their flowers!
    • The color grey – It’s giving “dentist office.” Let’s inject some color into our lives.
    • Monochrome stuff – Matchy-matchy is out. Chaos layering is in.

    Anyway, that’s where I’m at right now. Spring is the time to throw open the windows, eat snacks that make no sense, and maybe (just maybe) give yourself a break.

    Tell me what’s on your in-and-out list. I love knowing what little things are making people happy lately.

    🌼✨

    The Intimacy of Objects

    ~ Brooke F. ~ 10 Comments

    Iced Coffee 

    Crumpets 

    Tartlets 

    Stew 

    Your name spelled in foods 

    That make me think of you. 

    Raindrops 

    Snowdrops 

    Thunder 

    Dew 

    Your name spelled in weather 

    That makes me think of you 

    Lilacs 

    Stardust 

    A charm 

    That’s blue 

    Your name spelled in trinkets 

    That make me think of you 

    21 Little Ways to Love People

    ~ Brooke F. ~ Leave a comment

    ★ Send them cards.

    ★ Bake them bread.

    ★ Send them a bunch of memes that you know that will make them laugh.

    ★Write them a poem.

    ★Send them a perfume or lotion of a smell that makes you think of them or that you think they’ll like.

    ★Asking them how their day was.

    ★ Buy or pick them flowers and tie it with a ribbon.

    ★Spend time with them

    ★ Make them a playlist.

    ★Recommend them a movie that you know they’ll enjoy.

    ★Send them a little note of gratitude.

    ★ Write them a letter.

    ★ Recommend them a book that you know they’ll enjoy.

    ★ Make them soup.

    ★ Make them a list of things that make you think about them.

    ★ Draw them a picture or just making them some sort of art.

    ★Make them cookies.

    ★ Write them a short story.

    ★ Recommend them a flavor of coffee/tea

    ★ Send them a Bible Verse or a Motivational quote.

    ★Tell them you love them.

    To Build A Heart

    ~ Brooke F. ~ 3 Comments

    Once upon a time, there lived a man who lost his heart. He lost it to a woman with eyes like honey and a voice like silk. He handed it over to her without hesitation not thinking he would see her run away with it in less than a month. But she did. And the man was left alone and with a hole in his chest.
    Determined to fill it with something, he set out to craft a new one. A new heart that could be even better than the one he had lost. So he gathered his crafting tools together and went out into the land in search of materials.
    He came upon a city that sat upon a high mountain. There in its streets, he found a girl with a cart who sold colored ribbon. It was so beautiful, the man decided to make a heart of silk. He bought red silk from the girl and returned where he when about sewing his silk heart. But when he had finished, he found the heart much too light in his hands and entirely too vulnerable.
    So he set out again this time into the woods. This time he came upon a woodcutter who told him of a kind of wood that could withstand anything. The man decided he would buy some of this wood and fashion his new heart from that.
    He carved this new heart carefully with his tools and when he had finished, he found himself quite proud of his handy work. But another problem arose when the heart had been set on a table in front of an open window and clouds overtook the sky as it began to rain. The man returned to find his wooden heart, rotted and black on the table.
    Frustrated and discouraged, the man traveled once again, determined to find the perfect material from which to craft his heart. It was on his travels once again that he met a witch upon the road who listened to his problem. She then offered the man a solution (for a price of course which he ignorantly paid).
    “Take this stone,” she said after she pocketed his gold, “and carve yourself a heart that shall never break. Nothing shall penetrate its shell.”
    And so the man agreed, returning to his home to carve the stone into a new heart. He found the stone quite heavy but surprisingly this did not deter him, determined not to possess a vulnerable heart ever again.
    The man fashioned the heart and hid it away in his house. The man began staying home more as well, for fear someone might break in and steal his heart of stone. Soon, his paranoia grew so much to where he never left his home. And so he lived. Just him and his heart of stone.
    Until one day a woman happened by his house. He was suspicious of her at first, afraid she had come to steal the stone heart. But he was slowly won over by her politeness and allowed her in.
    Once inside the home, the woman remarked that the house felt cold, opening a window to allow the sun in. The man couldn’t remember the last time he had allowed the sun inside. The woman also noticed quite a few cobwebs hanging around the place. So she began clearing those away.
    Grateful, the man offered her a meal for her troubles. She heartily agreed. Over warm food, the man asked the woman why she had come in the first place, thoroughly perplexed at her arrival. He was no longer in the habit of inviting anyone over.
    She set her leather satchel on the dinner table.
    “I found this discarded on the side of a road months ago. I have been searching far and wide for its owner. Finally, I was led to you.” The woman drew out the man’s old heart from the bag, offering it to him freely.
    It was that day that the man decided he had very little use for a heart of stone. He then found himself inviting the woman to a meal the next evening if she so wished. Delighted at the gesture, she accepted.
    It wasn’t before long that the two courted and were engaged, then married. And they lived happily ever after in a cottage where cobwebs never hung, and sunlight filled its rooms, for it was now a house of two hearts.

    Evening Poems: Trust Fall

    ~ Brooke F. ~ 3 Comments

    Love is like a trust fall
    Where someone is allowed to let you fall
    For if they dont wanna catch you
    You dont want them catching you at all.
    You lean into the air
    And land upon your back
    Too late to back out now
    Even though they’ve taken two steps back.
    So little surprise-you get the Wind knocked out
    You Roll over on your side,
    Your Heart is full of doubt
    But you close your eyes
    And then breath in
    Nothing left to do but
    Dust yourself off
    To get up
    And try again.