Learn to recycle emotionally.
Turn the energy that you use towards disliking yourself to building yourself up.
The energy you use to envy others, use it to be thankful
The energy you use to hate your enemies could turn into love towards those closest to you.
Regret of the past can turn into the hope of the future.
All emotions take energy. Make sure you’re putting yours into the right ones.
When I was younger, I wasn’t worried. Not In the least.
I would wake in the morning with a light feeling in my chest and a carefree air about me. I would set out armed with a stick and go play in the woods and in the mud in search for adventure.
I would crawl through culvert pipes and pretend they were entrances to magical worlds, rabbit holes to far off places.
I would climb up to the highest part of a tree, and where the branches would meet at the center was a throne that I imagined was made for me. I would sit there and overlook my kingdom and pretend I could talk to the birds as the flitted past, giving me news of the worlds beyond.
Then I would return home and write of my adventures in a notebook and draw maps of the new kingdoms I had conquered and discovered. Page after page I would fill with drawings and notes, describing the magic that I had found that particular day.
But that’s not the way things are anymore. Now I’m worried, scared even, bogged down by fear and perfectionism. The stories don’t come as easy as they used to and the feeling of lightness and the glow of curiosity no longer radiates in my chest.
Many times I have rested my pen on a blank page only to be met with a emptiness of mind and spirit. And on the rare occasions that I would actually write something, I would return to it, and rip its pages away because it was not perfect.
I still relished the feeling of pages beneath my finger tips and the smell of new notebooks but I could never bring myself to fill them with the same colorful stories that I used to create so many years ago.
But there came A Day I was tired of it. Tired of being perfectionistic. For my fear of creating something substandard drove me to create nothing at all.
So I took with me a journal, perfect and empty, on a walk. More times than I’d like to admit, I had wanted to fill this book with a great many number of ideas and drawings but I could never bring myself to mark up it’s crisp, empty pages.
So I walked to a pond’s edge and looked out upon its reflective surface, unblemished and smooth like a mirror. At its shore, I tied a string around the book and left a long tail that I could hold onto. And then I cast it as far as I could into the water.
I reeled it in, the journal now a soggy pulp of pages. So I took it home and dried it.
It was not longer perfect. The pages were wrinkled and the cover was beginning to peel. But that was alright.
So I set it on my desk and opened it and began to write.
5 Things Wrong with Fairytales
So, if you have lives in America around the 21st century or so (give or take a hundred years), chances are you’ve heard or seen your fair share of fairytales. Age old classics, these stories have been adapted and made into movies for children of all ages. But having been around forever, and thanks to disney, we usually totally miss the messed up morals and strange meanings that they could be teaching us.
1. Princesses usually tend to be underage when being stalked, creeped over, kidnapped… etc.
?I also find it funny, that 16 is the magic age for EVERYTHING to happen. Boom! You 16! Time for the romance, kidnappings, and curses to commence! Kiss your parents good bye, because they’re gonners too!
2. Prince Charming has no name.
Seriously. Just calling him Prince Charming isn’t going to work say when your in trouble. Kind of a mouthful to spew out if you’re shouting for help. Ever thought about shortening it to PC or Charles?
And here’s some more food for thought…
Every prince is referred to as “Prince Charming”, and everyone assumes they are different Princes, but what if they aren’t? Sounds like we have a Player here.
And another thing, what if he wasn’t Charming? Heck, most of the princes in fairytales a nothing short of creepsters. They should really go by their true names, “Prince Creepy” or “Prince Get-a-life”.
3. Step mothers are Evil not matter what.
It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done, if you are a stepmother than YOU ARE SATAN.
4. The Morals.
Seriously. You think true love is the only thing being taught through these tales? Cinderella sneaked out at night to go to a party. Snow White lived with 7 guys. The Little Mermaid made a promise she couldn’t keep. Prince Charming kissed a stranger. Jasmine fell in love with a homeless guy and a theif…
These wholesome stories are just great teachers to the next generation, don’t ya think?
5. True Love
“Cinderella’s eyes watered as she turned away from the prince to leave. She hadn’t known only twenty seconds ago that they’d become so close.”
A whole flipping 20 seconds is all it takes to develop this “true love”. How…realistic…?
Aaaaaaand that’s the end of my thinking capacity for now.
Byeee!
You might have heard that courage isn’t the absence of fear,
But knowing something is worth doing despite it.
But have you heard…
that confidence isn’t the absence of insecurity,
but knowing your worth it despite them?
Have you heard that happiness isn’t the absence of bad things,
but knowing life has beautiful parts regardless?
Or that being powerful and strong,
Isn’t about exerting one’s strength but knowing when to hold back and let things go.
Have you heard that love isn’t about the person’s lack of imperfections,
But caring about someone so deeply despite their flaws?
How about that forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re not hurting anymore,
But being willing accept their apology and love them despite that?
Or that being successful,
Or being a winner,
Isn’t about never failing,
But picking oneself up again and again in spite of having failed?
Or that true wisdom isn’t being enlightened or educated,
But is found in knowing that there is so much that you don’t know.
Have you heard kindness isn’t the absence of unkind thoughts
Or even frustrations,
But choosing to be gentle and patient anyway?
Because all heroes are capable of being villains but instead chose not to be.
Sarcastic Cinderella
Once upon a time, there was a wealthy widower who married a proud and haughty woman as his second wife (First mistake buddy). She had two daughters, who were equally vain and selfish (Wow, that mistake didn’t take long to bear trouble). By his first wife, he’d had a beautiful young daughter, a girl of unparalleled goodness and sweet temper (He should of stuck with the first wife).
The stepmother and her daughters forced the first daughter into servitude, where she was made to work day and night doing menial chores (And the father did nothing about this?!). After the girl’s chores were done for the day, she would retire to the barren and cold room given to her, and would curl up near the fireplace in an effort to stay warm (But not catch on fire). She would often arise covered in cinders, giving rise to the mocking nickname “Cinderella” by her stepsisters. Cinderella bore the abuse patiently and dared not tell her father, since his 2nd wife controlled him entirely (Rotten father that is. Talk about pathetic).
One day, the Prince invited all the young ladies in the land to a ball, planning to choose a wife from amongst them (“Come to this ball so you may be married to a scabby faced prince!”). The two stepsisters gleefully planned their wardrobes for the ball, and taunted Cinderella by telling her that maids were not invited to the ball (Technically she’s not a maid).
As the sisters departed to the ball, Cinderella cried in despair (“Boohoo, I cannot marry a scabby faced prince!”). Her Fairy Godmother magically appeared (Alright, where was this lady however many years ago when her father married the jerk stepmom?) and immediately began to transform Cinderella from house servant to the young lady she was by birth, all in the effort to get Cinderella to the ball (Seems like a lot of trouble just to go to a party).
She turned a pumpkin into a golden carriage, mice into horses, a rat into a coachman, and lizards into footmen. She then turned Cinderella’s rags into a beautiful jeweled gown, complete with a delicate pair of glass slippers (Wouldn’t they break when she runs? Ouch! Talk about walking on broken glass!). The Godmother told her to enjoy the ball, but warned that she had to return before midnight, when the spells would be broken (Also that’s your bedtime).
At the ball, the entire court was entranced by Cinderella, especially the Prince (Because he is also shallow as well as scabby). At this first ball, Cinderella remembers to leave before midnight. Back home, Cinderella graciously thanked her Godmother. She then greeted the stepsisters, who had not recognized her earlier and talked of nothing but the beautiful girl at the ball (They must be blind. Clothes does not change a person, ladies).
Another ball was held the next evening, and Cinderella again attended with her Godmother’s help. The Prince had become even more infatuated, and Cinderella in turn became so enchanted by him she lost track of time and left only at the final stroke of midnight, losing one of her glass slippers on the steps of the palace in her haste (They should of broke here). The Prince chased her (Okay, creeper), but outside the palace, the guards saw only a simple country girl leave. The Prince pocketed the slipper and vowed to find and marry the girl to whom it belonged (Whether she wanted to or not?). Meanwhile, Cinderella kept the other slipper, which did not disappear when the spell was broken.
The Prince tried the slipper on all the women in the kingdom (Wouldn’t the shoe have some foot funk in it by the time it came to Cinderella?). When the Prince arrives at Cinderella’s villa, the stepsisters tried in vain to win over the prince as they wanted the prince. Cinderella asked if she might try, while the stepsisters taunted her. Naturally, the slipper fit perfectly, and Cinderella produced the other slipper for good measure. The stepsisters both pleaded for forgiveness, and Cinderella agreed to let bygones be bygones (Talk about overly good natured. It least make them grovel a bit…).
Cinderella married the Prince, and the stepsisters married two lords (Because the moral is, act like a jerk until your enemy gets the other hand, then beg for forgiveness and you get a good part of the deal in the end).
(In short, this is a story of how a teenager sneaked out to a party at night, and stayed up too late, and was cranky the next morning! The morals in this are golden)
Part two
After having been secretly wed by the reawakened Royal almoner, the Prince continues to visit the Princess. She bears him two children, L’Aurore (Dawn) and Le Jour (Day), which he keeps secret from his mother, who is of an ogre lineage (Oh, so wouldn’t he have ogre in him too?). When the time comes for the Prince to ascend the throne, he brings his wife, children, and the talabutte (“Count of the Mount”) (Whoever the heck that guy is).
The Ogress Queen Mother sends the young Queen and the children to a house secluded in the woods and directs her cook to prepare the boy with sauce Robert for dinner (One, Cannibal alert! Two, her worthless husband doesn’t have anything to say about this?!).
The humane cook substitutes a lamb for the boy (Because lamb tastes like boys, not that the cook would know or anything), which satisfies the Queen Mother. She then demands the girl but the humane cook, once again, substitutes a young goat (Which tastes like girls? Girls and boys have different tastes?), which also satisfies the Queen Mother. When the Ogress demands that he serve up the young Queen, the young Queen offers to slit her throat so that she may join the children that she imagines are dead. While the Queen Mother is satisfied with a hind prepared with sauce Robert in place of the young Queen, there is a tearful secret reunion of the Queen and her children (Is the Queen really that sad to see her children are alive? They don’t even say they are tears of joy. They make it sound like she’s sad!).
However, the Queen Mother soon discovers the cook’s trick and she prepares a tub in the courtyard filled with vipers and other noxious creatures (Um, that’s nice. Totally normal thing for a Queen to do). The King returns (Wait, where in the world was HE?) in the nick of time and the Ogress, being discovered, throws herself into the tub and is fully consumed (Wait, what? “I have been discovered so let me throw myself into this random tub!). The King, young Queen, and children then live happily ever after (But they never went to visit grandma).
Ahem….
Sleeping Beauty, a sarcastic fairytale as commentated and told by me.
Part one
At the christening of a king and queen’s long-wished-for child, seven fairies are invited to be godmothers to the infant princess. The fairies attend the banquet at the palace. Laid before them is a golden casket containing gold jeweled utensils (Because you always welcome people by setting a golden casket before them). Soon after, another fairy enters the palace and is seated without a golden casket (*Gasp* She has no casket! How horrid of her! This story has just started and I’m already confused).
This eighth fairy is overlooked because she has been within a tower for many years and everyone believes her to be dead (“I was just taking a long nap, guys!”).
Six of the other seven fairies then offer their gifts of beauty, wit, grace, dance, song, and music to the infant princess (What a bummer for the princess. What about toys? That’s like getting a hug or handshake for Christmas from your grandmother!).
The eighth fairy is very angry that she has been overlooked and, as her gift, enchants the infant princess so that she will prick her hand on a spindle of a spinning wheel and die (Happy Birthday!). One fairy, who hasn’t yet given her gift, attempts to reverse the evil fairy’s curse. However, she can only do so partially (Of course. She can’t do it fully as it would make things LESS complicated! Duh!). Instead of dying, the Princess will fall into a deep sleep for 100 years (That’s kind of rotten. Happy Birthday again!) and be awakened by a kiss from a prince (Ew. Happy Birthday a third time! Lamest birthday ever).
The king forbids any sort of spinning all throughout the kingdom. Fifteen or sixteen years pass and one day (What’s the difference?), when the king and queen are away (Um, where?), the Princess wanders through the palace rooms (Awesome way to spend your birthday, right?) and comes upon an old woman, spinning with her spindle (Just a random old lady). The princess, curious to try the unfamiliar task (Who cares about spinning? I mean really? Talk about boring), asks the old woman if she can try the spinning wheel. The princess pricks her finger on the spindle and the inevitable (It’s always inevitable) curse is fulfilled. The old woman cries for help and attempts are made to revive the princess (Splash water on her face! Kick her in the ribs! Slap her around a bit! I’m full of ideas!).
The king attributes this to fate and has the Princess carried to the finest room in the palace and placed upon a bed of gold (Ow. Not so comfy sounding) and silver embroidered fabric. The king and queen kiss their daughter goodbye and depart, proclaiming the entrance to be forbidden.
The good fairy who altered the evil prophecy is summoned (“Get your hide back here, our daughter is taking a nap!”). Having great powers of foresight (She should have foreseen the bad fairy at the party in the first stinking place!), the fairy sees that the Princess will awaken to distress when she finds herself alone (Because everyone would have grown old and died. But wouldn’t she grown old too?), so the fairy puts everyone in the castle to sleep. The fairy also summons a forest of trees, brambles and thorns that spring up around the castle, shielding it from the outside world and preventing anyone from disturbing the Princess (Okay, where was this magic when the curse was first cast by the badfairy?).
A hundred years pass and a prince from another family spies the hidden castle during a hunting expedition. His attendants tell him differing stories regarding the castle until an old man recounts his father’s words (Wait, how in the world did this guy’s random father know? everyone’s asleep!): within the castle lies a beautiful princess who is doomed to sleep for a hundred years until a king’s son comes and awakens her (By dumping water on her face! Bwahahaha!).
The prince then braves the tall trees, brambles and thorns which part at his approach, and enters the castle. He passes the sleeping castle folk (Because who cares about them?) and comes across the chamber where the Princess lies asleep on the bed (Creeper alarm! Creeper alarm!). Struck by the radiant beauty before him, he falls on his knees before her. The enchantment comes to an end by a kiss (Wait, she has been there for a hundred years! Wouldn’t she have bad morning breath or something?) and the princess awakens and converses with the prince for a long time (“Why in the world are you kissing sleeping women, you creep!”).
Meanwhile, the rest of the castle awakens and go about their business (And totally don’t notice the fact that everyone is covered in spider webs and everyone has grown beards). The prince and princess walk to the hall of mirrors (the place where vain people go) to dine and are later married by the chaplain in the castle chapel (But she’s over a hundred years old! She is WAY to old for him!).
And they live happily ever after. (Sort of. Read part two and you’ll understand)
A comprehensive and a specific list.
Steps of Studying
1. The Motivation
Whenever I need to study for something, at first, I’m pumped. I tell myself this’ll be a breeze and I’ll ace the test and I’ll be so scholarly and wear cool glasses even though I have perfect vision… but when the breeze turns into a hurricane, this motivation quickly leaves, leading me to step 2…
2. The Procrastination
I am a procrastinator. If getting distracted was a sport, I’d be on a Wheaties box. I suppose you could say I’m a pro (crastinator). In this stage Youtube is my biggest enemy and friend at the same time.
3. The Guilt
All through step 2 you are probably pushing back this nagging guilt. In step three this feeling resurfaces, leaving you on the edge of panic. If you are good student, then you’ll probably get your rear and gear and actually study but if you’re anything like me, you will proceed to step 4…
4. The Rationalization
This step is how you get reality to go away when it knocks on your door…
You will rationalize with yourself that you have plenty of time to get your book work done! One of the signs your a rationalizer is you use phrases similar to these:
Just one more episode of Andy Griffith and you’ll study…
Just another game of free cell…
It’s not procrastination if your drinking coffee… it’s procaffinating.
Well, another sentence read! I should reward myself with another study break and another box of pop tarts!
I wonder if iisuperwomanii came out with a new video….
They say if you say something enough, it’ll come true but what about if you ignore it? It’ll go away right? That’s how real life works, right?
Then comes along inevitable step 5…
5. The Realization/Panic
When reality goes from knocking on your door to repeatedly ringing your doorbell, to breaking the door down like some sort of Ninja Chuck Norris. But reality always seem to do this at the last second when you are an hour away from taking that test and you realize you are not toast, but charcoal that is covered in gasoline and gun powder that is on fire as it’s being thrown into an active valcano that is about to errupt! This is when you hit full on panic mode… and when you’re greatest ideas and inspiration comes, leading you to step 6…
6. The Scramble
No, I’m not talking about eggs. This step is also known as the cram. This step is usually about one morning as far time. This is where you cram so many factoids down your brain’s throat (I don’t even know how that works), that it practically shrieks in protest. In this step you burn like 12397 brain cells which is really sad considering you could of killed those cells doing something a lot more enjoyable, like watching Gilgan’s Island or smelling gasoline.
Then you usually end up taking the test, get a passable grade, and then come home, realizing, that the only thing you learned is… oh wait! You didn’t learn anything because all these steps are repeated the next time you have to study for a test! Live and don’t learn, that’s humanity for you!
Sarcastic Snow White
A beautiful young queen sits sewing at an open window during a winter snowfall (Why is she letting all the hot air in the castle out and the snow in? My Mom would yell it me to shut the stinking window! Does she have any idea how much heat costs?! Were you raised in a barn? (Well, this is a fairytale so this may be a possibility…)) when she pricks her finger with her needle (Smooth one, Queenie), causing three drops of red blood to drip onto the freshly fallen white snow on the black windowsill. Admiring the beauty of the resulting color combination, she says to herself, “How I wish that I had a daughter that had skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, and hair as black as ebony” (Okay, this is kind of weird. So she can have a daughter to her and say, “I jabbed myself in the finger with a needle and thought of you!”). Soon after that, the Queen gives birth to a baby daughter, a beautiful and sweet girl with skin as white as snow (Unless she gets sunburn of course), lips as red as blood, and hair as black as ebony. She is named ‘Snow White’. Sadly, the Good Queen, Snow White’s mother, dies during child birth.
After a year has passed, Snow White’s father, the King, takes a new and second wife, who is very beautiful but a wicked and vain woman (Aren’t all stepmothers?). The new queen, Snow White’s evil stepmother, possesses a magic mirror (Just a random magic mirror that came from nowhere), which she asks every morning, “Magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all? (Not that she’s self absorbed or anything)” The mirror always replies, “My Queen, you are the fairest one of all. (Okay, so the mirror’s a suck up?)” The Queen is always pleased with that because the magic mirror never lies (Or he’s just a suck up like I said). But as Snow White grows up, she becomes more beautiful each day and even more beautiful than the Queen, and when the Queen asks her mirror, it tells her that Snow White is the fairest. (Snitch)
This gives the queen a great shock. She becomes yellow and green with envy (That’s why she’s not the fairest of ’em all anymore) and from that hour on, her heart turns against Snow White, and she hates her more and more each day. Envy and pride, like ill weeds, grow in her heart taller every day, until she has no peace day or night (Because she has a weedy heart. Ever hear of weed killer?). Eventually, the Queen orders a huntsman to take Snow White into the deepest woods to be killed (Nice mum, ain’t she?). As proof that Snow White is dead, the Queen demands that he return with her lungs and liver (So she can do what with it? Eat them for supper? By now, I wouldn’t be surprised. This stepmom lady has me freaked out). The huntsman takes Snow White into the forest. After raising his knife, he finds himself unable to kill her as she sobs heavily and begs him; “Oh, dear huntsman, don’t kill me! Leave me with my life; I will run into the forest and never come back!” The huntsman leaves her behind alive, convinced that the girl would be eaten by some wild animal (Like that’s any better). He instead brings the Queen the lungs and liver of a young boar, which is prepared by the cook and eaten by the Queen (I’m serious, I have never read this version of the story before and I just foretold cannibalism).
After wandering through the forest for days, Snow White discovers a tiny cottage belonging to a group of Seven Dwarfs. Since no one is at home, she eats some of the tiny meals, drinks some of their wine and then tests all the beds (Sounds like Goldilocks to me). Finally the last bed is comfortable enough for her and she falls asleep (“This bed is just right.”). When the seven dwarfs return home, they immediately become aware that someone sneaked in secretly, because everything in their home is in disorder. During their loud discussion about who sneaked in, they discover the sleeping Snow White (Who never woke up even though they were having a loud discussion?). The girl wakes up (Finally) and explains to them what happened and the dwarfs take pity on her, saying; “If you will keep house for us, and cook, make beds, wash, sew, and knit, and keep everything clean and orderly, then you can stay with us, and you shall have everything that you want.” They warn her to be careful when alone at home and to let no one in when they are away delving in the mountains.
Meanwhile, the Queen asks her mirror once again; “Magic mirror in my hand, who is the fairest in the land?” The mirror replies; “My queen, you are the fairest here so true. But Snow White beyond the mountains at the seven dwarfs is a thousand times more beautiful than you (Tattle tale mirror)”. The Queen is horrified to learn that the huntsman has betrayed her and that Snow White is still alive. She keeps thinking about how to get rid of Snow White, then she disguises herself as an old peddler. The Queen then walks to the cottage of the dwarfs and offers her colorful, silky laced bodices and convinces the girl to take the most beautiful bodice as a present (Wait, so Snow White doesn’t recognize her? I mean, I know she’s disguised but this IS her mother). Then the Queen laces it so tightly that Snow White faints (This part makes me breath heavily I can picture it a little too vividly.), causing the Queen to leave her for dead. But the dwarfs return just in time, and Snow White revives when the dwarfs loosen the laces.
The next morning the Queen consults her mirror anew and the mirror reveals Snow White’s survival (Snitching mirror! Why don’t you give it a rest?). Now infuriated, the Queen dresses as a comb seller and convinces Snow White to take a beautiful comb as a present (Come on Snow White, you can’t be that dumb). She brushes Snow White’s hair with a poisoned comb, and the girl faints again (Or not. Talk about learning hard), but she is again revived by the dwarfs. And the next morning the mirror tells the Queen that Snow White is still “a thousand times more beautiful” (Okay, sounds kind of like the mirror is rubbing it in here.). Now the Queen nearly has a heart attack in shock and rage (But unfortunately she doesn’t as then there would be no villain in the story). As a third and last attempt to rid herself of Snow White, she secretly consults the darkest magic and makes a poisoned apple, and in the disguise of a farmer’s wife, she offers it to Snow White (Snow White, really. You’ve learned you lesson by now, right?). The girl is at first hesitant to accept it, so the Queen cuts the apple in half, eating the white (harmless) half and giving the red (poisoned) half to Snow White (It would make a interesting story if she accidentally switched up the halves. And by the way, where the heck do you find an apple with a different color on each side? Not suspicious at all.). The girl eagerly (and stupidly) takes a bite and falls into a state of suspended animation, causing the Queen to triumph. This time the dwarfs are unable to revive the girl because they cannot find the source of Snow White’s poor health (I would be ready to give up by now. She’s not worth it if she’s that stupid), and assuming that she is dead, they place her in a glass coffin.
Time passes and a prince traveling through the land sees Snow White (Rotting away in her coffin?). He strides to her coffin and, enchanted by her beauty, instantly falls in love with her (Falls in love with a dead body?! What the-?!). The dwarfs succumb to his entreaties to let him have the coffin (“Look what I got, mom! A coffin with a dead lady in it!”), and as his servants carry the coffin away, they stumble on some roots (Clumsy move). The tremor caused by the stumbling causes the piece of poisoned apple to dislodge from Snow White’s throat, awakening her (So the coffin doesn’t shatter at all? Tough glass. And so the Prince doesn’t kiss her to make her awake? Well, I suppose that’s better. Kissing dead bodies is on an even creepier level). The Prince then declares his love for her (People in these stories are so shallow), and soon a wedding is planned. The couple invite every queen and king to come to the wedding party, including Snow White’s step-mother. Meanwhile, the Queen, still believing that Snow White is dead, again asks her magical mirror who is the fairest in the land. The mirror says; “You, my queen, are fair so true. But the young Queen is a thousand times fairer than you (Man, what a squealer!)”.
Appalled, in disbelief, and with her heart full of fear and doubts, the Queen is at first hesitant to accept the invitation, but she eventually decides to go (Because they’re gonna have cake!). Not knowing that this new queen was indeed her stepdaughter, she arrives at the wedding, and her heart fills with the deepest of anger when she realizes the truth. As a punishment for her attempted murders, a pair of glowing-hot iron shoes are brought forth with tongs and placed before the Queen. She is forced to step into the burning shoes and to dance until she drops dead (Ow, ow, ow, ow! I definitely did NOT see that in the Disney movie!).
(With the dead body of the Queen laying on the ground, the couple are married. And, um, they live happily ever after? )
By the Brooke 